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#440775 - 07/13/13 03:24 PM I'm Kicking My Ass!
BraveFalcon Offline

Registered: 02/26/13
Posts: 1231
Loc: The ATL

All my life people have told me not to talk badly about myself. It's not cool to "beat yourself up" and such. (I do it constantly.) However, it occurs to me that if one has extremely negative thoughts and feelings about one's self, those negative thoughts and feelings won't go away or change simply because one does not verbalize them or express them to others in some way. So, could it in some way even be healthy to "beat yourself up", if that truly is how you feel about yourself, or is it more healthy to keep those negative thoughts and feelings about yourself locked up inside? You know, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, even about yourself? I'm not starting this thread to talk about me specifically doing this, but just to see how people feel about the issue in general. Discuss......

#440777 - 07/13/13 04:05 PM Re: I'm Kicking My Ass! [Re: BraveFalcon]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

I think that is true. We can only get those negative thoughts healed by talking them out, gradually, with an understanding person. We can't talk them out with most people because they would be unable or unwilling to listen. We must find someone who is able and willing to listen and then give a constructive response. That way we can begin to be repaired.


#440782 - 07/13/13 05:59 PM Re: I'm Kicking My Ass! [Re: BraveFalcon]
genedebs Offline

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 328
Loc: MO
Dear Brave

One of my technologies I learned in Cognitive Behavior Therapy: When you you bad mouth yourself, you must continue to think it through. So if you are, for example, worthless you then must ask yourself what that does to you. You continue to ask this question to each answer until you either reduce the worthlessness to irrelevant or conversely to the extreme of death or destruction of the world, at which point you know that you have exaggerated the impact beyond any reasonable point of view.

This provides you with an opportunity to acknowledge your self talk and defuse its meaning for you. Eventually you will have to find the source of your need to beat yourself up, to heal. But the technology gives you a way to get through the day.

Go with God

#440802 - 07/13/13 10:37 PM Re: I'm Kicking My Ass! [Re: BraveFalcon]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
I'm gonna go with the cognitive behavioral therapy idea. I have learned after all this time, that I can put forth a negative about myself or my emotions. I can now say, "... okay, that's what you think, and it's legitimate, but why (or what or ...) has made you think that/or feel that way?"

I do it in therapy, with the guidance of the T. I do it in self-talk, with the guidance of me. I make the statement, either internally or externally, and then ponder for a moment or longer. Then I immediately indulge in a conversation. To which the end result is to determine if my feelings are fair to me, or have I created a quiet drama in which I am the only star. Seriously, if you were to walk in on me at times in my house, and me not aware you are there... #1- I would have a coronary event and # 2- you would hear me actively involved in a conversation with the air.

My sons have caught me before and ask, "Dad, what did you say? ... and who are you talking to???"

In short, I think anything that moves the negatives to the outside so they can be analyzed and disposed of if necessary is what needs to be done. So say it out loud. Get it out there. Just be careful who you say it to, because there are real jerks who will hear, repeat, and use what you say about yourself. And I bet we have all felt that at one time or another.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#440805 - 07/13/13 11:10 PM Re: I'm Kicking My Ass! [Re: BraveFalcon]
king tut Offline

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2488
Loc: UK
I think sometimes I can be "too tough on myself".
I think "beating yourself up" about something is one thing, I think the scale that we use to measure ourselves is something else. I think that could be what some people mean by stop beating yourself up about it. We all choose our own measuring sticks (is that true? in reality i guess there may be other influences, and I guess some people just don't get the choice, maybe that's part of it- i'm going off-topic).

Verbalising in some way is always better, I agree. I too, even when I was young, used to do what some of you call self-talk, I think it is a good way to get through feelings, keep asking yourself questions, or free-writing, to get behind what is really causing you to feel down, even when you start from one point you often find that the route of your difficulty is something completely different to what you expected.

#440807 - 07/13/13 11:18 PM Re: I'm Kicking My Ass! [Re: BraveFalcon]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5971
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA
I agree with this although I did not do this in therapy. Negative self talk that is disrupted is unproductive for the survivor. Disrupting that process, that train of thought through our own disconnection or someone else trying to rescue us inhibits positive recovery. Taking self talk to a reasonable, actionable conclusion, or even the absurd and realizing it is such, that I can use to change my feelings and behavior is exactly how I can feel healing relief from the confusion and changes in the thought process.

Thanks for the reminder,
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#440822 - 07/14/13 04:35 AM Re: I'm Kicking My Ass! [Re: BraveFalcon]
lostcowboy Offline

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 798
Loc: Rhode Island
Psycho-Cybernetics While I have Not done the things in the book,i really liked the book.
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!


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