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#440049 - 07/04/13 04:12 PM I loved you, all of you.Why do you give up on me?
leila_o Offline

Registered: 07/04/13
Posts: 1
My most beloved Prince in shining armor, my one and only love,
You've been hurt, someone's done wrong to you, someone has betrayed that trust to you and you can't tell what's wrong from right. You can only trust yourself. You pushed me away, told me I was a nymphomaniac, told me I cannot be trusted because all I wanted was your body. Two years of dating, we never had sex, yet, you told me countless times that I turn you off because I asked for a kiss. It hurt me badly then, but not anymore, I know you needed me. So I stood by you.

Yet, you told me I was the most selfish person you've known.
I am so hurt, so worthless, and so badly heartbroken. I never wanted to let you down, I never wanted to want your body like they did, I guess it felt the same to you - like when I woke in the morning asking for a kiss, you tell me i'm wasting my time, like when I ask you to come to bed at night, you tell me to mind my own business. I just needed a hug, a person to trust, but you said I cannot be trusted, because I need to earn it by following your rules. You had so many rules and every step I take, angers you if I wanted to do things my own way.

When is the hurt going to end for you? You pushed me away, and I am hurting alone, because I miss you every day. You, the kindest, nicest, most gentle man I know. You, the most fragile, bitter, exhausting, and scared soul I know.

Your favorite poem was Yeat's "He wishes for the clothes of heaven", it goes...

Had I the heavensí embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

I loved you, all of you, my love.
You've let me go, told me that you don't need me, and that I shouldn't, either. I don't know what to think, or feel.

I hope you're going to find happiness in between the self-doubt, depression, self-harm, binge-eating and sleepless nights. You said you don't need anybody and trusts no-one, why? Why, my love? I wanted to be there for you so much, why do you assume I only wanted your body?

What about the days when I stayed up to cook for you when you worked on projects? What about the morning of your birthday when I made you blueberry pancake? What about my surprise birthday parties for you at the Japanese restaurant when I was thousands of miles away? What about the times we would talk about philosophy and how to help the world become a better place? What about those days when we walked in the freezing cold just to take photographs at random places? What about those?

You, the most beautiful soul. I will always love you.

- leila

Edited by leila_o (07/04/13 04:15 PM)

#440078 - 07/04/13 11:16 PM Re: I loved you, all of you.Why do you give up on me? [Re: leila_o]
Candu Offline

Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Leila. I'm sorry that you have been sucked into his pain. You deserve better.

#440088 - 07/05/13 03:54 AM Re: I loved you, all of you.Why do you give up on me? [Re: leila_o]
focusedbody Offline

Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 541
Loc: NY
Leila O:

You clearly not only love this person, but have some insight into his struggle.

Originally Posted By: leila_o
You can only trust yourself.

This sounds very familiar. Yet the need to trust others remains. That need itself may be imprisoned, but yes, it must abide somewhere.

Originally Posted By: leila_o

You, the most fragile, bitter, exhausting, and scared soul I know.

Like trying to calm a deer caught in the headlights, being close to someone with this kind of trauma can be an effort. Be sure to take care of yourself. Without remembering your own needs while pacing the effort you make to respond to someone else's, it may be ultimately be difficult to keep being supportive.

Originally Posted By: leila_o

Your favorite poem was Yeat's "He wishes for the clothes of heaven", it goes...

Thanks for the poem. I hope you will find kind hearts and empathetic ears to help you in your situation.

Lose the drama; life is a poem.


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