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#439666 - 07/01/13 01:33 PM recovery means...
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1577
Loc: California
Transforming the question "Who am i?" into declaring "Who I am."

Changing feeling worthless into feeling worthy.

Feeling good about myself without the need to be intoxicated.

Being wholly present with others.

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#439986 - 07/03/13 11:39 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1577
Loc: California
Recovery means freedom.

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#439987 - 07/03/13 11:41 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
FormerTexan Offline

Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11954
Loc: Denver, CO
Recovery means processing the difficult past, and have it been only memories.

It is watching the remnants of a hard snow storm disappear as the snow melts away for good.
_________________________

Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#439990 - 07/04/13 12:01 AM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
Recovery means remembering, consolidating and applying what you've already learned on your road to recovery.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

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#439997 - 07/04/13 01:05 AM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
Chase Eric Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2442
Recovery is a lie. There is no endpoint. There is no "recovered." This is Male SURVIVOR - not Male RECOVERY. When was the last time someone posted, "Hey guys, I made it! I'm recovered!"?

I don't mean to be provocative or negative. It's just my own truth and I expect most here will disagree. Nor would I disparage them for doing so. I respect all that is said here that comes from the heart.
_________________________

..


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#439998 - 07/04/13 01:21 AM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 928
Recovery means a minimization of intrusive thoughts, of visceral pure shock and the sense of irreparable damage to one's identity and manhood. It means re-contextualizing what happened.... framing it in time and space, and being able to focus more on a life to be lived now, around and beyond the abuse.

If slaves like Frederick Douglass and Sojourner Truth and Auschwitz prisoners like Primo Levi and Vladek Spiegelman (the dad from Maus) can do it, then damn well I can.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#440059 - 07/04/13 03:13 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1577
Loc: California
Recovery means not being angry about my past anymore.

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#440066 - 07/04/13 04:52 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
Recovery is me reclaiming my dignity
Recovery is me posting my pic at age 5
Recovery is me learning about me
Recovery is my fleeting anger
Recovery is me stepping out of the old me
Recovery is my hope
Recovery is yes, I was assaulted
Recovery is yes, it hurts- a lot
Recovery is a very lonely journey
Recovery is me beginning to love me
Recovery is for me, a lifetime
Recovery is forever

...and yes, on a very real level, total recovery is a lie... but survivorship is a reality!!



Edited by ThisMan (07/04/13 04:54 PM)
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#440083 - 07/04/13 11:13 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Recovery means becoming a fckng hero. Nothing less.

Is other some other test of manhood which can qualify a person for respect?

Let me know.

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#440087 - 07/04/13 11:52 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
GT13568 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 184
Loc: California, 93451
Recovery means two steps forward, then one step back. But sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back.

Thanks, Magellan for starting this thread.

ChaseEric, I hear what you say. I feel that way too, sometimes. Maybe, as This Man suggests, recovery means surviving?
_________________________
I won the moment he hurt me, because he poisoned his soul, and I did not poison mine. I did not hurt anyone. He did. He was the perp. He tried to make me into a victim, but I became a survivor. Yes.

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#440106 - 07/05/13 03:37 AM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2499
Loc: durham, north england
I've recently been reading a lot of poetry by John Masefield, and if there is a poet who really summed up recovery it's probably him, find his stuff Here

One particular statement he made, which he intended about reincarnation is far more applicable to recovery and I think is one of the best descriptions of the process:

my road shall be the road i made;
all that i gave shall be repaid.
so shall i fight, so shall i tread,
in this long war beneath the stars;
so shall a glory wreathe my head,
so shall i faint and show the scars,
until this case, this clogging mould,
be smithied all to kingly gold.

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#440167 - 07/05/13 08:52 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Chase Eric]
BraveFalcon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1231
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
Recovery is a lie. There is no endpoint. There is no "recovered." This is Male SURVIVOR - not Male RECOVERY. When was the last time someone posted, "Hey guys, I made it! I'm recovered!"?


QFT! That is all. Peace,

Ken

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#440170 - 07/05/13 09:32 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 385
Loc: Midwest
Recovery is becoming who I'm meant to be, not who they wanted me to be. Recovery means reaching out to others, forming connections, rather than building walls meant to keep the world out. Recovery means looking ahead to the future, not reliving the past. Recovery means believing it wasn't my fault and that I didn't bring it on. Recovery means being able to face the world and say this happened, and I survived and not fear being ostracized. Recovery means being able to look myself in the mirror and say that my life matters and the world is a better place because I'm here.

DavO

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#440188 - 07/06/13 02:10 AM . [Re: Chase Eric]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#440211 - 07/06/13 09:53 AM Re: recovery means... [Re: JoeSmith]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Originally Posted By: JoeSmith
You must face your problem and the past head on, no mincing words or avoiding the painful things. We avoid to cope, but it is in avoiding we destroy our chance at recovery. I know it's hard, tell me about it, I know, but to you younger guys, FACE YOUR PAST HEAD ON, tell your therapist everything, it's the things we hide that we should tell them first and foremost. And I tell you this as someone who hid and avoided for almost all of my life: believe me, it doesn't work.


Best thing I've read here in a long time-thanks for sharing.

All my life I practiced avoidance- rationalization, hiding, excuse-making. Drinking, acting out sexually- lots of isolation and further damage and no healing, no resolution, and no real progress on the road to recovery.

"The truth will set you free", and the lies you live and tell yourself will keep you a prisoner and tied to the abuse.

And recovery means I am no longer alone, I join forces with those who have suffered and are walking upwards out of darkness and towards a better place, one step at a time and one day at a time.

It means I learn to take care of myself and honor myself with care, compassion, and constructive decisions.

It means I ask for help and don't try to face troubles alone or struggle in secrecy or isolation.

And it means I am becoming a better man- and I know I will never be done with recovery. I deserve to reclaim myself.


Edited by Mountainous Buck (07/06/13 10:08 AM)
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#440260 - 07/07/13 01:25 AM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Originally Posted By: Mountainous Buck
[quote=JoeSmith] You must face your problem and the past head on, no mincing words or avoiding the painful things. We avoid to cope, but it is in avoiding we destroy our chance at recovery. I know it's hard, tell me about it, I know, but to you younger guys, FACE YOUR PAST HEAD ON, tell your therapist everything, it's the things we hide that we should tell them first and foremost. And I tell you this as someone who hid and avoided for almost all of my life: believe me, it doesn't work.


I've followed this with my wife for some time.

She's not my therapist, but I can't live with a person who doesn't know me. When we make love, I know that she knows who she is sleeping with. Otherwise I couldn't get it up.

M


Edited by GoldStone (07/14/13 04:17 AM)

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#440282 - 07/07/13 01:30 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 05:21 PM)

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#440296 - 07/07/13 04:24 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: bodyguard8367]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Originally Posted By: bodyguard8367
RECOVERY .......

MY LIFE NEED NOT BURN IN EFFIGY TO PROTEST WHAT WAS DONE TO ME......so I climbed from the pyre, washed off the propellant, cast away my blame and doubt, and sought solutions.

That is who I am.

Geoff


love

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#440299 - 07/07/13 05:01 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: GoldStone]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 233
Loc: California
Originally Posted By: GoldStone
Originally Posted By: bodyguard8367
RECOVERY .......

MY LIFE NEED NOT BURN IN EFFIGY TO PROTEST WHAT WAS DONE TO ME......so I climbed from the pyre, washed off the propellant, cast away my blame and doubt, and sought solutions.

That is who I am.

Geoff


love


I agree with GoldStone. This is a great statement. Thanks, Geoff.

Todd
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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#440305 - 07/07/13 05:22 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: GoldStone]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1577
Loc: California
So beautifully, and powerfully said.

Recovery means looking back and seeing the choices I've made leading up to this point, and seeing the courage, integrity, and drive I had to get here. Recovery means valuing who I am BECAUSE I have striven for recovery.

We're all heroes and rock stars here.

Originally Posted By: GoldStone
Originally Posted By: bodyguard8367
RECOVERY .......

MY LIFE NEED NOT BURN IN EFFIGY TO PROTEST WHAT WAS DONE TO ME......so I climbed from the pyre, washed off the propellant, cast away my blame and doubt, and sought solutions.

That is who I am.

Geoff


love

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#440824 - 07/14/13 12:44 AM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
mattheal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
Recovery means finally being honest to my self. Transforming the knowledge of my abuse into understanding. It is shedding those things that helped me survive but now hold me back.
_________________________
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

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#440839 - 07/14/13 04:15 AM Re: recovery means... [Re: mattheal]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Originally Posted By: mattheal
It is shedding those things that helped me survive but now hold me back.



WORD.

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#440948 - 07/15/13 01:52 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Being CONNECTED.
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#441051 - 07/16/13 02:17 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 162
Loc: Chicago
Recovery means finally having an inner peace and a sense of normalcy.

Recovery means being comfortable with one's overall identity, personality and faith in oneself, others and God.

Recovery means not trying to figure out past issues and shedding one's insecurities once and for all.

Recovery means being able to breathe for the act of just breathing and not for the necessity to compose oneself's emotions.

Recovery means overall happiness.

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#441512 - 07/20/13 07:11 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Recovery means that I'm quite human, flawed and not perfect. I still make plenty of mistakes and sometimes I utterly fail, sometimes I really succeed, but most times my life just more or less is...

I may be picking myself up and attempting to get going again. I may be trying to learn from my mistakes and shortcomings and try to make changes necessary to heal, I try to become better than I was.
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#441517 - 07/20/13 07:32 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 740
Loc: VA
Recovery means thinking about now instead of then.

smile John

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#441525 - 07/20/13 09:05 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6336
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
recovery means self discovery.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441527 - 07/20/13 09:07 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6336
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
recovery means self lovery.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441622 - 07/21/13 05:22 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1577
Loc: California
having the power to rewrite my story!

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#441624 - 07/21/13 05:42 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3227
Recovery means feeling the emotion of happiness without the burden of self loathing and being defined by the abuse.

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#444145 - 08/12/13 10:22 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1577
Loc: California
KNOWING HOW TO TRUST MY OWN FEELINGS!!!!!



Edited by Magellan (08/12/13 10:22 PM)

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#444147 - 08/12/13 10:34 PM Re: recovery means... [Re: Magellan]
pittsburgh Offline


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 105
Loc: west Chester, Pa
coming to understanding how the abuse affected my life and not letting it have a hold on my life any more. Moving on to a better place.
_________________________
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.

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