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#43954 - 02/13/03 10:21 PM First Appt with therapist
Kieran1 Offline

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 33
Loc: Canada
That last time I posted a message I had mentioned that I was going to see a therapist.Well,yesterday was my day. Not really knowing what to expect I was quite apprensive about it. I'm sure a lot of you have gone through this,and had some of the same feelings.I was actually shaking in the waiting room.I didn't know what to expect when I went in,a man in a white coat, and a leather couch? There was instead a couple of comfortable chairs,a desk and a small coffee table. He(the therapist)welcomed me and tried to put me at ease,but there was no way at that point.I could not stop shaking,I had this horrible pain in the pit of my stomach.God,it was awful!Then,(and I don't know yet how he did it I started blurting it all out,sobbing,tears,I never thought I could shed so many.In fact,thinking about it now I am crying again.The therapist kept saying let it all out,it's OK,its OK,He said to take your time,Kieran this is part of your healing process and its going to be very uncomfortable at the start,move at a pace that is comfortable with you. I'm sure what he is saying has a lot of truth to it,at this point I am moving back into the guilt and shame area again.Why?When I went home yesterday my wife and I had a long,long talk.It went on for a couple of hours,she just listening as I seemed to rant on and on about all the negative feelings I still carry around with me!I fell asleep with her in her arms.I mentioned before guys that she will go through this all the way with me,and I can't do it alone.
I go back next week and I want to take her with me.Is this OK? I haven't asked the theapist yet.
Please,can you give me any feedback?

Trying to hang in there,Kieran.

#43955 - 02/13/03 10:48 PM Re: First Appt with therapist
Jess Offline

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 107
Loc: California
Kieran, Way to go, Man!

Like you, I just started therapy. Although, I didn't the shakes as bad as it sounds that you had them, I did feel very nervous. I am glad you found someone that made you feel comfortable. That trust in your therapist is so important. I too, was able to open up and let so much out. The crying, sobbing, etc., I can relate to as I do a lot of this, too. I am so happy for you that your wife is so supportive. I would think that this is a vital part of your therapy. Maybe your therapist will agree. If not next time, then at some future time, to have some sessions with the two of you together. Since your next appointment isn't until next week. Call your therapist on the telephone and ask him. If you have read the article posted here on how to select a good therapist, you will read that the good therapists do not mind the patient asking questions. Prior to hiring my therapist, during my initial consultation, I asked him almost all the questions suggested in the article I mention above. My therapist did not mind me asking the questions. In fact he said he was impressed with the kinds of questions I asked and commended me on it. Thanks to the MS:NOMSV article I knew what questions to ask, and he answered them in a satisfactory manner, so I hired him. Now, I have a lot of confidence and trust in my therapist and I feel like I can talk to him about anything. By the way I called him in the middle of the week, between sessions, because I was having a very rough emotional time. He did not pick up the phone but I left a message on his answering machine, and he called me back within a couple of hours. I was impressed! Good luck, Kieran! I hope it all goes well for you. You have my support and the support of all the guys here, whenever you need it. Jess.

#43956 - 02/13/03 10:57 PM Re: First Appt with therapist
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
It aint easy, in fact it's bloody hard !
But it's the only I believe, and initially we have to let it all go. It's messy, confusing, it hurts and it's distressing - but it works.

I bet you have also felt some other strange feeling as well since you've been ? feelings of satisfaction, pride, achievement. You might not have recognised them, but they're there.

As for taking your wonderful wife, well I would check with the T first for sure. Most will see both of you, but I think that they would like to dictate just when to some degree. Maybe a couple of sessions of just realising all your pain first might be useful. But I'm no expert, give him a call and see what he thinks.

I feel proud of you, well done.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#43957 - 02/14/03 12:25 AM Re: First Appt with therapist
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Kieran, everyone & their own situation & recovery is of course unique. So it's up to you, your wife & your T if you think sessions together will be more helpful now. He may want you to bring her sometimes then sometimes come alone.

I went to T over 10 years before I brot my wife to my current T, after seeing him over 2 years; this was last year. She went on two occasions not consecutive but not too long apart. She has an open invitation to make an appointment to come back with me again anytime. But mostly I see him alone to work thru my stuff. My wife has no need to go to a T regularly or by herself or anything.

Which is surprising, given she's been married to me for over 23 years!...

Sounds like you had a very meaningful T time, Kieran. Good for you--and it is!

TC & TTYL friend


(My wife & I after 23 years!) \:D

"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#43958 - 02/14/03 02:31 AM Re: First Appt with therapist
bec Offline

Registered: 10/03/02
Posts: 187
Loc: chicagoland area
hello Kieran1:

you wrote "...i fell asleep with her in her arms..." wow, my friend, you are very fortunate to have someone you can share so intimately with/be so close to.

i admire you in two ways. 1. for your relationship with your wife. and 2. for your tears. crying is something very difficult for me to do, but hopefully that will change.

let me say here that i suffer from an illness called sexual anorexia and have never been able to know such closeness before. you are truly blessed in my eyes Kieran.

and, i would be surprised if your therapist would want your wife to join you in therapy so soon. i assume he wants to get to know you and build a healing relationship with you before introducing your wife. but, maybe i am wrong. run your idea by him/her and see what happens.

please keep us posted on your progress. it is inspiring. sincerely,

bec \:\)

#43959 - 02/14/03 03:51 AM Re: First Appt with therapist
Muldoon Offline

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
It is so great to see you guys moving forward with your healing. Keep up the good work. Muldoon

Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

#43960 - 02/14/03 03:59 AM Re: First Appt with therapist
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Good for you Kieran1. You did very well, both with your T and your wife. You have a real good start.

Remember that the T has dedicated his life to helping folks like us get over the harm done to us. They are good folk. I am sure he appreciated your being so transparent your first session.;

Keep it up, you will come to look forward to those sessions.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

#43961 - 02/14/03 04:18 AM Re: First Appt with therapist
Sleepy Offline

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
I got the dry heaves. That wasn't fun but now I feel very comfortable. Good luck.

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

#43962 - 02/14/03 04:39 AM Re: First Appt with therapist
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Kieran: You ddi really great. you know something else. Even though you are moving back into the guilt and shame shit hole we sometimes find ourself it believe me when I say that it may be because you actually had the balls to tell your therapist everything. Rmember how you felt about others when you wondered what kind of a piece of shit you would be to them if they Knew your dirty little secret. Well you told a stranger. And what did he do. He said. It ok. Let it out it is part of the healing. Thses are your words. I think what you are having is a reaction to the conditioning you have been under since it happened. Was he judegmental. Did he look at you like you were some kind of freak or damaged goods. No he encouraged you to purge the boil. Well my brother that is what you did. And you know something else. Pretty soon you will feel better about it. Its no big goddamned secret any more is it. It was a factual account of the loss of innocence and childhood. Your T is a professional and thank god for them. But also thank god for people like us who band together in the brotherhood to help each other exorcise our demons. No looking back now Brother. The journey has begun in earnest. Be kind to yourself and have patience. The abuse was fast and furious. The suffering was long and pronounced and the healing of the wounds will take some time also. But you have a loving wife, and it sounds like a good T and the brothers around you here. You will WIN.



#43963 - 02/14/03 05:10 AM Re: First Appt with therapist
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Kieran1 - your feet are on the pathway, starting on your journey to healing! You found a compassionate, trustworthy guide (your T) and have a supporting companion with whom to make the journey (your wife). Your team is together and your encouragers are lined along the path (that's us). Blessings on your journey!! \:D

If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd


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