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#439369 - 06/27/13 07:15 PM !
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (03/01/14 01:02 AM)

#439377 - 06/27/13 08:57 PM Re: Reasons for Living [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
toysoldier Offline

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 502
Loc: Texas
I suffer a lot of those things and at times the Rage can get the best of Me,and i just refuse to let it get the best of Me forever, My perps may have destroyed My past but they aint gettin my future!
I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders..

Bit by bit Torn apart We never win But the battle wages on
For toy soldiers!

#439379 - 06/27/13 09:22 PM Re: Reasons for Living [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 09:56 PM)

#439388 - 06/27/13 10:10 PM Re: Reasons for Living [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1598
Loc: California
Because at the end of the long path of recovery is a stupendous life filled with love, connection, joy, compassion, and understanding.

Not that life will be perfect. It never was. But at least we'll see Life for the glorious beauty that it is. We'll get to taste the nectar of the gods.

#439392 - 06/27/13 10:59 PM Re: Reasons for Living [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Poorsoft Offline

Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
We are in the position to live a peaceful long life in a developed country. We are not without our woes; things do get patchy even in the western world, but still each one of us has fell into our personal hells and came out the other end. Granted some scars fade faster than others, but its the things in life that help you get past things. Realising I was minimising things by comparing my situation as 'not that bad' compared to the rest of the world (if you're reading this you are 94% richer then everyone else in the world), as did I realise that by over thinking my situation I was actually avoiding dealing with it emotionally. Some of these things were realised through MS, others by myself and others through close friends.

As for living? Well, I'm in a good position to do some good things in my life. I believe that if you do good things, it will spread. People dont want to feel bad and angry, theres a reason we call it 'feeling bad', it makes sense to feel good. The world has a lot to achieve to get to that point and I hope in my life I can give something back to the human species, as we all do.

Besides, the thought of leaving my family in that way keeps me going; it would destroy some people in my life that I would so callously throw it away. I dont have the courage to do it and the desire is fading, once again probably because the support I've had at MS has helped me deal tremendously.

#439393 - 06/27/13 11:12 PM Re: Reasons for Living [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/30/12
Posts: 766
I wish I had a better answer but I'm just going to drop a quote from a book I've kept close to me for a few years now, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl:

“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

I think what he means is basically, you look deep inside yourself, discover or decide what person/people or thing(s) hold the most meaning to you, and dedicate your life to it.

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

#439407 - 06/28/13 02:40 AM Re: Reasons for Living [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
BraveFalcon Offline

Registered: 02/26/13
Posts: 1231
Loc: The ATL

Hi Gary! I was actually going to start a similar thread myself but you beat me to it! Although I was debating whether to make mine about things I find to live for or reasons I find not to kill myself. Either one works, I guess.

One reason to continue living and/or not snuff it is....

1: Getting home from work on Friday afternoons and knowing I can drink as much as I want and even smoke some bud if I so choose.

2: Saturdays and Sundays for the same reasons.

3: Nights I can sleep for 8+ hours. (Kind of goes hand in hand with reasons 1 and 2.)

4: Drinking beer and watching NFL Football.

5: As an addendum to 4, I have to hang out long enough to see if my Falcons can ever win a Superbowl.

6: Drinking beer and watching MLB baseball.

7: As an addendum to 6, I have to hang out long enough to see if my Braves can ever win another World Series.

(On the last 4 reasons, yeah, I know I take sports to seriously. So what? It's one of the only things that gives me joy and offers an escape. The night the Braves won the '95 Series was hands down, absolutely, the happiest night or day or moment of my life. I have never been happier than that. Oh, and by the way, I was there that night. Game 6, Oct 28th, 1995. Braves 1 - Indians 0. Still have the ticket hanging on my wall. This shit is so important to me I've actually considered it when I've been suicidal. I've thought, "what if I kill myself then later that year one of my teams wins it all and I miss it?" No shit. I've really thought that before as a serious reason.)

8: Gettin' to snugglez with muh kittehz!

9: Watching a good thunderstorm, especially with an at least slightly altered state of consciousness to make it even cooler.

10: Days off when I have time to play a video game for hours and hours. (Also while consuming copious amounts of alcohol.)

11: Getting to go on a rare vacation and party like nothing fucking matters while I'm there.

12: Getting a bunch of hot wings, junk food, and premium beer, then sitting down and watching Lord of the Rings or Star Wars movies all day. (I do this at least twice a year.)

13: Finding things that make me laugh so hard I cry.

That's all I can think of but I may post more if I think of anything else. Peace,


#439417 - 06/28/13 04:16 AM Re: Reasons for Living [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
SoccerStar Offline

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 929
I can drive to a beach not too far from here and watch the horseshoe crabs trudging their eternal way through the surf. They are living windows into deep time, visually and behaviorally all but identical to those you would have seen on a beach in the Ordovician Period half a billion years ago.

Life goes on, and on, and on. Life has its own value. In the face of tornadoes and earthquakes, asteroid impacts and mass extinctions, the reshaping of continents, war and crime and cruelty and abuse..... some things in life keep going on and on and on. It's almost hypnotic to watch them. To see them continue, disregarding half a billion years of struggle and upheaval and pain going on all around them.

I have a family now, people who count on me. But even when I didn't, when I was completely alone and quite depressed, I could still find comfort in watching these lives from the eternal past continue all around me, the same as they'd always been. I still like to watch them, and get quiet when I do.

My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

#439452 - 06/28/13 05:52 PM Re: Reasons for Living [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
Gary, the T asked me this each time I have seen him since early May. I make reference to things I think are normal thought processes for me and he becomes concerned.

These are some of the reasons I shared with him why I choose to live:
No big reason, only moments. Sometimes as fleeting as the thoughts of not living. Moments like the following:
When I awake to the early light and see the dust particles dancing through the rays of sunshine
Or the contrast in the trees when the sunlight bounces through, creating those shadows
Or when I walk through the grocery and someone says hi, "Hi, Mr. *! Did you know you were my favorite teacher?"
Or when my 2 yr old granddaughter looks at me with nothing but love
Or like when those gentlemen from Solomon house said genuinely, "thank you for taking the time", and they shook my hand at the end of the class.

... and NUMBERS 1 thru 15 from Geoff's list....... which by the way caused me to tear up.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#439457 - 06/28/13 06:09 PM Re: Reasons for Living [Re: ThisMan]
DavoSwim Offline

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 397
Loc: Midwest
The reason I keep at it is I truly believe I haven't fulfilled my purpose here on earth, and I'm going to keep at it until it's finished. I have a great deal to live for. Granted, dealing with CSA can be overwhelming at times, and it's tempting to want to throw in the towel, but that would be an incredibly selfish act for me to do, and it's the ultimate admission of defeat.

I have a lot that keeps me going. I haven't done what I can at my job. I enjoy the company of my family, my friends, and the guys here at MS. I want to do better for never have I felt I've maximized my potential.

The simple things too make life worth living. I love getting to the pool early in the morning, when the sun is rising over the horizon, and things are still. It's so peaceful and calm, and it gives me a chance to regroup and get ready for the day. There is nothing like a great workout, a long run in the country, or a great swim. Movement and speed are two things I enjoy.

I enjoy my family and friends. Spending time with them, talking, sharing of ourselves.

The biggest thing for me is I hope to experience love. I don't wish to be alone. I want the beauty of love and how it just makes everything a little better.

There's no doubt that the time I have left is less than the time I've been here on earth. I've had more than my share of struggles, pain, isolation and heartache. I just want to make the rest of my life better than it's been to date.


Edited by DavoSwim (06/28/13 06:31 PM)

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