It is frustrating to have learned that overwhelming paranoia and lack of personal boundaries in such a complete and manic way as we have in this abuse.
I have experienced this intense anxiety, I have felt like I was the only one who could see the incoming danger and no one else "got it". How could they not see it? It's right there! What is going to happen will get me fired, you fired or will bankrupt the company.
I still get anxious about minor happenings, and worry about matters that quickly resolve themselves. When I am in these states, I am on the edge and unreasonable. I wake up at night and act out whatever I feel to be safe, closing the bedroom door, making sure the lock is set on the front door, closing shades and curtains. Anxiety, paranoia, isolation, these have been my guiding principles, and they are cruel masters.
Recovery, fellow survivor, helped me to calm down, to ground myself in the moment, to understand what is happening in the "here and now" and to realize appropriate limitations and abilities. I cannot be the one who controls the "little red buttons" of nuclear warheads, but I am the one who can be counted on to stick with an idea or company value till everyone(almost) is satisfied. I understand what I am capable of and leave the rest.., go. Someone will take up the slack, or I will address it later, or I know it is a process and it will become part of the whole in upgrades and revisions.
This maybe more than you asked for P.s., or not enough, I hope it helps you, I am not the victim I was, but I do not wear a cape neither, I am average, a little above average at times, and I have my moments. Mostly though, I am just Sam.
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014