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#439410 - 06/28/13 02:55 AM Re: my story (as short as I can make it) [Re: Chase Eric]
nolan79 Offline

Registered: 06/23/13
Posts: 32
Loc: sc, united states
Today I have been stuck on the "WHY ME" question. Then I think about how I still take responsibility for what happened to me, like I had full control over the situation. It feels like I am fighting a war inside my body. One part keeps saying you wanted it, and the other is screaming "why did this have to happen". It's like I don't believe myself, yet, I was there, and I know what happened to me. My mind flashes back to how gross and disgusting I felt in school the next day. All I wanted to do was take a bath. I sat in class and could still feel him touching me. I rubbed my skin as if I was rubbing him off.It is just crazy that I would have any doubt in my mind as to whether I should be mad at him. I should want to kill him, yet, I pity him. I just don't understand.

Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
Nolan -

Your story is deeply affecting. I relate to a lot of it - the age range, the seduction and violation of trust from a trusted mentor (I, too, knew my molester years before he started having sex with me). I relate to the confusion, the hating it yet wanting it at the same time - then just the hating of myself that seemed to be the ultimate product of the two.

Have you seen the movie Slingblade? The dynamics between you and your mother's BF - and the role of protecting her - reminded me strongly of that movie.
Every hidden secret will eventually find light

#439944 - 07/03/13 10:28 PM Re: my story (as short as I can make it) [Re: nolan79]
BuffaloCO Offline

Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 490
Welcome to the site Nolan. My story is similar to yours in someways, different in others. We have many different stories here, but even so we share a lot of the pain that comes from abuse. You can find friends and support here, and talk here as well. For me being able to do that has helped a lot, and I think you can and will find people to connect with, who really understand what you are feeling and going through, and that can lead to the first steps out of the sadness. Again, welcome brother.
�We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.� - Plato

#439962 - 07/04/13 12:09 AM Re: my story (as short as I can make it) [Re: nolan79]
Juni Offline

Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 502
Loc: Florida, WPB
Welcome Nolan.

Take your time, read, treat yourself well.
I honor your feelings and your ability to share what you have.

One day at a time, I we make the journey . . .
Today I'm O.K.
One day at a time I make the journey.

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