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#438921 - 06/23/13 01:17 AM Fear is the Mindkiller
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 09:45 PM)

#438925 - 06/23/13 01:53 AM Re: Fear is the Mindkiller [Re: bodyguard8367]
Publius Offline

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 444
Loc: OH
Every time you write and every time you choose recovery over relapse despite your hatred of the former you're getting better ; )
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

#438929 - 06/23/13 02:37 AM Re: Fear is the Mindkiller [Re: bodyguard8367]
toddop Offline

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 233
Loc: California
Hang in there, Geoff. Moving forward sometimes means moving through the fog and the storm.

I hate my recovery a lot, too. Every excruciating inch of it. But, it does move forward.

Take care of yourself.


"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

#438947 - 06/23/13 05:39 AM Re: Fear is the Mindkiller [Re: bodyguard8367]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
I find the therapy to bringing me to places I only pretended to go, and even then quickly turned away. Not so certain why we need to get so fuckin' terribly real- I mean with the therapy sessions...., but I think it is definitely moving me forward. And that emotions thing (again with the therapy sessions)... what the heck is that???.... its like perennial menopause... oh, Lord,

Hang in there, mister. Damn therapy indeed.


Edited by ThisMan (06/23/13 08:42 PM)
Edit Reason: clarification
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#439046 - 06/24/13 03:02 AM Re: Fear is the Mindkiller [Re: bodyguard8367]
Dave PNW Offline

Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 129
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Geoff, you have reached out to me and made me feel better while I have been here. Made me feel good about my progress. I am sorry you are feeling at the bottom right now. Fuck I know how that feels some days. Hold steady. A couple days ago I thought I had moved to some new level of recovery and was kicked back down by a bitter and poignant trigger. Hang in there. We all struggle. I am sorry, but I know how it feels. Take care and I wish you peace.

#439084 - 06/24/13 03:58 PM Re: Fear is the Mindkiller [Re: bodyguard8367]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1595
Loc: California
You're not alone.

And the fact is, you're a great writer. Your first paragraph gave me an insight I wasn't expecting, a way to visualize the recovery process. And I agree with you, I hate this wretched roller coaster at times, too. But then there are those moments of elation...

Your sharing your 'grimness' is good, not only for you, but for untold numbers of anonymous readers / seekers. Those who post have chosen to open themselves for the benefit of everyone. You do this deliberately. I think it's awesome.

Personally, I don't think I've seen much grimmness from you. Probably because I'm squashing most of my own grim thoughts. We should have a grim off.


Originally Posted By: bodyguard8367
As a scared little boy begins to question everything ....the belief system we have used for the last forty years is no more....Paranoia is his only friend....Though the last days are not heart has lost all it's strength.

I fear writing because it has become so fucking grim.

All emotions reduce me to tears.

I fucking hate recovery right now....if I could get off this goddamn roller coaster without fucking killing myself I would be quite content to go back the mild comfortability of the rack, the iron maiden, and the hot poker I was using.

Damn therapy.


#439091 - 06/24/13 05:41 PM Re: Fear is the Mindkiller [Re: bodyguard8367]
DavoSwim Offline

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 397
Loc: Midwest
Geoff and Dave

Your posts are so timely and as such, most appreciated. I certainly can relate to your words. Things were going well recovery-wise for me, until late last week, I was suddenly broadsided by triggers, thoughts I'd never had before, emotions that made me very afraid, and the realization that I need to face some serious issues if I am ever to heal.

In some ways, life was better before I sought help. I may not have been happy, and I may have been bothered by my past, but the steady state of unhappiness was easier to take than these dramatic changes in mood, attitude and even self esteem.

I wish you both healing. Your help is greatly appreciated. I can't do this alone, and knowing that others face the same challenges is comforting


#439112 - 06/24/13 08:11 PM ! [Re: bodyguard8367]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (03/01/14 12:58 AM)


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