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#438313 - 06/16/13 02:28 AM stories of divorce??
remaininghopeful Offline

Registered: 12/31/12
Posts: 23
It seems most people on here are sticking with their husbands/partners, being the support and I applaud everyone. Anyone who divorced due to the effects of CSA? I'm looking for stories and advice and wanting to be prepared as much as I can. I don't see how it will be possible to stay with my husband. Even before the acting out and infidelity, I discovered that he's been lying to me for years. He was the sweetest, most loving man and faithful husband for almost 5 years, but created a whole life that never existed and just very deep lies. He's not in therapy at all and though I am no doctor, I feel he may have borderline personality disorder. I really thought I could be that understanding supporter. I know where it all comes from. I could even have gotten past the cheating. But I have absolutely no trust and the lies scare me, especially since we have a 17 month old son. Hoping to hear from others who went the divorce route, especially if there are children involved.

#438368 - 06/16/13 05:00 PM Re: stories of divorce?? [Re: remaininghopeful]
Esposa Offline

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 811
Loc: NJ
Being supportive and not being married are not mutually exclusive. Do not be so hard on yourself. It isn't either/or. Staying married to someone who is not in recovery is torture and you are right, you have a son to raise and protect. That said, your husband has a supporter should he ever chose to benefit from it. Hugs to you.

#438414 - 06/17/13 04:39 AM Re: stories of divorce?? [Re: remaininghopeful]
imperfection85 Offline

Registered: 05/14/13
Posts: 18
Sorry to hear about your situation

I am a partner of a survivor, but just wanted to say that i know from speaking to other survivors that therapy helps an enormous amount, and from what you said above your husband is not receiving any therapy at the moment, so this may be something that could perhaps help the both of u

If you are interested in giving it another shot, i would suggest maybe getting him into therapy first, so that he can uncover things about himself.. if you're both comfortable with the idea, you could accompany him to his sessions to get a better understanding of what he's dealing with and maybe the lies will begin making sense (not that this would justify them, but maybe then you would decide whether it was still worth working on).. but this is not a sure-fire solution though, therapy can be difficult and takes time.. and healing takes even longer so it would definitely still be a long process, but if successful it could potentially help to save your marriage

I would hate to see your marriage fall apart because you deserve a great marriage especially since you've been through so much and also since you've just brought a child into the world together(congratulations on that), so i would encourage you to give it one more shot if you have the strength, however i understand that it is definitely different for everyone and i am just someone from the outside who doesn't know the details of your marriage.. so if this is something you have decided on for sure then i wish you all the best with your journey and hope it is as peaceful as possible


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