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#438328 - 06/16/13 04:53 AM Triggered by children being tickled
learning2remember Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 406
Loc: Europe
This is nothing new for me, but it just occurred to me that I could post here about it.

Last night my two early teen sons and my wife were all tickling each other and playing. This has been going on for, well, I guess over ten years now.

I don't know how to describe it. Just one person tickling another, I guess and then that one trying to get revenge. And I think someone being tickled is trying not to laugh.

The whole thing gets to me: the touching, the trying not to laugh and then laughing, the way things get rougher and I can't tell if someone wants to stop or to keep playing. (It really looks like both wanting to stop and wanting to keep on and it totally freaks me out.)

I used to ask them to stop, but they didn't. And besides, why should I stop their fun? Instead, I leave the room. They have fun, and I'm not a part of it. Can't even stand to be near it and WISH I could go somewhere where I don't even hear it.

It happened last night, and, like I say, for them it was just fun. For me, though, I'm still trying to get over it.
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

#438339 - 06/16/13 07:50 AM Re: Triggered by children being tickled [Re: learning2remember]
Jacob S Offline

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 699
Loc: where the shadows lie
non-sexual tickling is very foreign to me. when I see it, everything in me wants to break it up. I totally know what you mean about it looking both wanting to stop and not wanting to stop at the same time. I am glad other people can enjoy it, but to me it just makes me scared for the person being tickled. But I know that is my issue. Tickling has always been a turn-on for me, probably since way before it should have been. Not that it was something my abusers did. The opposite. Neither my abusers nor my parents were ever into tickling. The people who would tickle me as a kid would be my older sisters' boyfriends, strong friendly handsome young men with easy smiles. Men who I would hang onto the second they came in the house, whose every touch I craved. Having associated attention with sex, tickling became a way to "present" myself to them, always secretly longing they'd somehow know what was in my mind. So tickling got linked to sex and wanting to be submissive and power dynamics and all that stuff. So now To see kids tickle or get tickled feels dirty. I know it isn't, so I bite my tongue and just kind of stand on the sidelines. Because I'm good at dissociating anyways, I've been able to convince everyone in my extended family that I'm not ticklish. Which isn't true, but the lack of response means they don't try anymore, which is good.
Nothing there. It subsumed me. Black hole in time and space.

And yet.

It seemed like what I was made for.

to be used.

most natural thing in the world.

#438347 - 06/16/13 11:49 AM Re: Triggered by children being tickled [Re: Jacob S]
LonelyFarmBoy Offline

Registered: 06/08/13
Posts: 23
Loc: Nebraska
Hey I know what u mean when when u said u would latch on to men as soon as they came in and loved them tickling me and letting me sit on their lap. I remember hed get hard under me.
And what u said being addicted to porn! I am too. I use my cell phone to look at stuff in bed so no one knows. I'm just sayin so u know you're not the only one. I'm just like you.


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