I thought I would share a very specific issue for me. Well I say issue but it seems to be other peoples issue with this. Forgive me as im typing this on my phone and may be full of errors.
In no plane words, I like wearing adult diapers. I dont have a requirement to do so and never wet the bed, but still I have had this uncanny obsession since about the age of 5/6.
I wasnt able to forfil my needs of wearing until I was about 19, where I would go through this extreme paranoid ritual of organising delivery so no one would be home and so my shameful obsession coukd remain hidden.
I would go in a frenzy, I loved every second of wearing. And heres the kicker, it was rarely sexual excitement that gripped me, but it was just some weird euphoria that made me feel so happy as well as safe. I would rarely use the diapers as intended but more just to lay down and chill. Eventually or part of my daily life I would masterbate and then after think; "what the fuck are you doing, this is fucked up etc". So pretty much guilt.
After I ran out it could be months before I could have the chance to get more. This continued until my mother caught me.
That was an awkward conversation, I sobbed uncontrollably, panicked, felt wrong. My mother asked if i had been touched, I said no and burst into tears. I thought I hadn't, but felt so guilty, so ashamed, so intensely sad when I was caught.
She then asked me if i had an interest in children. This broke my heart. I'll not deny the shit that has popped in my head, but I know I do not have an interest. That is the diference between us and them, we know the difference.ContinuedThis should be easier now I'm at home
She suggested I see a therapist, I didn't. I felt I could deal, but secretly I was living in the darkest parts of my mind. I grew to hate myself in secret and in silence, as I bathed in self loathing, I knew nothing else; I couldn't love myself and certainly did not want to love anyone else. I made excuses for not getting into relationships. I had gained a lot of weight from age 11 on, I totally changed myself and as someone already wound up in confusion and self hatrid, I could do nothing more than see how long I could last.
Diapers came and gone, I had some oppurtunities to do it when I had the house to myself for a week, but I kept the secret a hidden shame. I moved out at just under 2 years ago and only several days ago was I able to get some more after such a long break.
I have to say, my happiness levels the past few days has been unpresidented by a simple thing. It's easy to see it as a perversion or a malfunction, but even so; if it brings me such peace and tranquility without hurting anyone; how is that a bad thing?
Such is my thought recently, for anyone else struggling with this issue I read a very good article that has given me a different perspective. >>>> LINK <<<<
The natural serotonin produced by the brain is unparalleled to any medication because serotonin reuptake inhibitors (medications) do not really solve the problem directly and can result in further mental symptoms. The benefits of the natural serotonin increase caused by wearing diapers include: increased happiness (anti-depressant), increased self-control, healthy personal management, healthy weight regulation, demonstrates natural benefits to the digestive system and cardiovascular system, increased self-confidence, healthy view of personal relationships, healthy financial management, remedies bedwetting, generates healthy relational parameters, healthy pursuit of opposite sex relationships, control of sexual urges, increased energy, helps insomnia, calms anxiety, resolves speech disorders, reduces obsessive compulsive disorder, promotes clear thinking. This increased serotonin level can resolve virtually any other hang-up the person suffers from. Generally, the positive results of using diapers for such a person far outweigh the negatives of the situation for most people. The negatives are usually the social stigma, fear of being discovered and found out, and fear of losing control of urinary and bowel functions completely.