I take particular note of your name. I too have juxtaposed the words victor and victim. I say, Victory not Victimhood! I say this because I've never gone along with the concept of "survivor". People will say things like, "I used to be a victim. I could not function. But now I have gotten my life together, so I am a survivor."
I cannot agree with this perspective. Inscribing a child with the self-reliance ethic is the primary claim to authority for the Family System. It's just a continuation of the primitive socius which inscribes with sharp stones and hot coals. The bourgeois family inscribes by withholding approval, and sometimes by physical, psychological, and sexual abuse.
The mother in this Christian Fundamentalist Case has not herself been charged. She is unhappy with her husband because he has not been bringing home the bacon and they have been living off the equity in their home by refinancing it. They may lose their home and they may still have a mountain of debt. This is her primary concern. She is not bothered by his sexual fondling of their daughters. She stands with her husband and is calling the girls liars. These are religious conservatives and so keeping up appearances is everything. She expects her daughters to accept this.
The most serious accusations against the defendant are coming from the eldest daughter. But this eldest daughter is also the one who has been the most harmed. She is the one of the three girls who most strongly believes in the self-reliance ethic. Though still in her early 20's, she is already married and her life revolves around the accumulation of wealth and property. While her testimony against her father is compelling, the Defense position is that her real objective is simply to throw her father under the bus, and then rescue her mother from this financial failure. This girl does seem blind as the the shortcomings of her mother, and it does seem like her anger against her father is in part because he does not bring home the bacon.
The mother's parents do not condone the molestations, but they also seem to be primarily offended because they see the defendant as a screwball, as someone who does not do what he should be doing, bringing home the bacon.
I'm convinced that one of the reasons it is so hard for adult children to sue their parents for damages is simply because most everybody is so much like their parents. So it will always sound like each side is accusing the other for failing to measure up to the same set of standards.
So if your parents and our society have convinced you that you must rely on yourself, that no one owes you anything, that you must learn personal responsibility, and that you must get your life together and prove that you are able to earn a living, then they have already won and you are a dog licking the hand that beats it.
So I don't see any advantage in being a survivor instead of a victim. At least with a victim, there is some chance that the victim might eventually fight back. But a survivor never will, they will practice Live and Let Live and Self-Reliance. They will denigrate anyone who still wants to fight back. So please, don't ever think of me as a Survivor.
If parents are unwilling to be honest about the choices they have in life, and instead try to hide and stay in denial, live in Bad Faith, and have children in order to give themselves defensible social identity, then the child will have to pay in every single way possible for what the parent's have given up. The child is being used. They are feeding off of the child. Eventually this will errupt in open animostity. The child carries the hopes and dreams of the parents, but it is also the child whom the parents scar in order to be able to stay in denial.
We need to learn to recognize this animosity and its origins. We need to protect children from being used in this manner.
If a child has been used in this way, they have then been so violated that their social and civil standing are irreparably compromised. You cannot just excise this like it were just bad memories or bad feelings. What has been done can never be undone. But social and civil standing can be reclaimed by finding comrades and fighting back. A Survivor would never do this. But a Victim who seeks Victory would. Social and civil standing are never going to be regained by confessing on the couch or by punching pillows. They are regained by forming a mobile band and vanquishing foes.
"A paranoid is one who knows the facts."
William S. Burroughs