Hello I'm obviously new here and I have a ton of concerns and questions and no where in the world to take them. I'm hoping this is the correct place and that maybe I can figure out some truths.
I don't know if I should post here or elsewhere so please move this if its placed wrongly.
My story thus far -
I have a wonderful man in my life who is so fantastic in many ways but there have been a few things that he's hinted at or that I know from his childhood and teens that had me wondering what happened back then. I don't know how much story to tell or what order. We've been in our relationship for 2 yrs and friends for a few beyond that. When he was in his late teens/20 he had an encounter with a male that resulted in him going to therapy. That I know. He has a hard time committing to relationships and pushes peoe away when too intimate or the relationship gets too close. This he's been working on so he doesn't push me away. He's always had relationships with women and one of 2 were longer term but not more than a few years. As far as he's ever said and as far as anyone knows he's never repeated the encounter with a male. He doesn't recall much of his childhood except that his dad was gone for work a lot and his religious fanatic mom was there. Also he recalls her belittling his father always. His father and him have a distant relationship, they just don't often talk. Although he had this encounter in the late teens he says that he didn't lose his virginity until years later. The encounter he had was just oral. He's also mentioned a story about when he first started masturbating and how ashamed and confused he was. His mom made anything sexual out to be horrific and his father had a porn addiction or what seemed like it. So years later we get to now and I was cleaning out his email for him and came across a few messages sent to someone through a Craigslist ad. The wording of the ad and the terms within lead me to believe it wasn't close to being the first time he'd done that. I had to research the terms and try to figure out what I was reading. He created an ad saying his age and seaking "m4m" for what amounts to a hook-up. Someone responded to his ad and the ema exchange is what I came across including an "after" email. He lied about his name and age in the ad and not looking for younger but just advertising being a few yrs younger. In the msgs they talked about who was what, top or bottom(things I don't fully get) and they exchanged pics. They were both tops it turned out but my LO said he'd offer to be a bottom if the person was gentle. The after says that they engaged in some type of play and oral but when more came into the picture my LO called it off and apologized for not being able to do that. So now I have this wonderful man who has at least once continued what he did as a teenager but who has kept that a secret. I think he was abused and thi he he's mentioned and his behavior lead me to believe that. I want to let him know that I love him no matter what and that I know about this. I want to have some clarification on his sexual preference, for our relationship, and I want to help him. He's mentioned that he's got things in his past that would cause me to run and shock me. I don't want to freak him out or confront him. I really just want to hug him so tight that nothing ever can hurt him but realistically I do think so shiny happened and I think we need to figure out what is going on. Is he really interested in men, curious, ashamed but going back to that because he felt he needed to at the time? He was going to some type of counseling around the to e of the email and it was also an extremely stressful period in his life. His mom had just died and he was going through horrible stuff. As you can see my confusion abounds but really I want to know how to approach this and help us figure out what he really needs and wants sexually and in a relationship. Someone please help me with all this. I think this is long and if anyone has questions I can provide some answers. I've been so stressed out and finally when I talked to him instantly felt reassured. I just couldn't tell him. Thank you so very much.