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#436445 - 06/01/13 01:11 AM Where to begin?
webelos Offline


Registered: 10/28/12
Posts: 12
Loc: in mountains both in my mind a...
It is difficult to talk about it - so much confusion. My life has been full of confusion since that moment in time that changed everything. We were all having fun. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. And the horse play seemed to get out of control. Did I hear the directions correctly? It couldn't be that is what we were going to do next - I found it impossible to process. In that split second the world changed. I went from laughing with my friends to all of sudden having to look out for myself - all alone. There was so much to think about yet not enough time.
It seemed loud - too loud for my ears. One was calling the orders, others were jeering. My friends were silent - I imagine frozen in disbelief like me but I was unable to even think about them right now. Too much to think about - overload. I had to pay attention so I knew what to do. I couldn't stand to be humiliated by not understanding the orders. But I couldn't stand to be humiliated by what we needed to do.
It was hard enough being one of the younger ones. We were barely a decade old. They seemed to be so much older. The ones we were suppose to rely on but at the same time the ones that we needed to fear.
Then everything seemed to slow down. Everything seemed quiet or at least in my head. I was confused, disoriented and numb. This couldn't be happening. I had never even imagined or heard of such a thing. The world is now different. I am different.
This is the flashback of feelings that I experienced this week.
_________________________
transition from cub scouts to boy scouts wasn't easy. It was hard to go from the safety of den mothers to the world of men and older boys.

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#436460 - 06/01/13 08:08 AM Re: Where to begin? [Re: webelos]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
It may feel difficult to talk about and most will understand why first hand. Yet you have described how it is for you very well and I would urge you to keep writing, whether thats to yourself or online, keep it up!

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#436469 - 06/01/13 11:59 AM Re: Where to begin? [Re: webelos]
BraveFalcon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/13
Posts: 1231
Loc: The ATL

Where to begin? Sounds like a pretty good beginning to me. You're on the right path and I'm glad you've come here and decided to open up about these things. Take it slow and share only what you are comfortable sharing.

I can certainly identify with some of what you posted. Especially the part about not understanding what you were being told to do and the "overload". I get that. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#436480 - 06/01/13 04:13 PM Re: Where to begin? [Re: webelos]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1070
((((( Webelos )))))

That sounds like a good beginning. Sharing your flashbacks is a good place to start. It helps you get your mind around what happened and what your young mind was unable to process.

Now that you're older, you can see it better. So keep digesting that flashback and keep posting about it.

The more you take ownership of the narrative of the events, the more you control them and the less they control you.

Cant
_________________________
I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But I won't let sorrow get me way down.

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#436483 - 06/01/13 05:38 PM Re: Where to begin? [Re: webelos]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 349
Loc: MO
Welcome Weblos,

I am glad you found us and am sorry that you are one of us. Flashbacks are fucked. Emotional flashbacks is something my brothers experienced, my were visual events, only now after 20 years of therapy am I discovering I even had emotions in these events.

Exploring what happened and what "they" did to you is a necessary part of recovery.

I hope you find this a safe place in your journey. We all have different stories and we all are just the same. Being 10, was also when I first experienced being molested.

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