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#435997 - 05/27/13 08:57 PM .
JoeSmith Offline

Registered: 05/04/13
Posts: 129

#435998 - 05/27/13 09:17 PM Re: Scared and want to move forward-trigger warning [Re: JoeSmith]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3863
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Joe,
I'm glad that you wrote about what is bugging you. We are here to give support to each other, to learn trough sharing of our experiences and to combat isolation that many of us are having.
It is very hurtful for me to feel sometimes so lonely in my bed and generally in my life. So please be aware that you are not alone.
Sometimes it seems to me that I stuck in some moment in past and no matter what I tried there is no change. Maybe there is some true in that but certainly some positive progress has happened too and I must remind myself to regularly acknowledge it.
There are things that are good, positive and that can make me looking happy and having fulfilled life.
Please share with us further, you are very insightful person and I'm sure have a lot to offer to others.
I hope you'll have more help and support trough new therapy. Let's hope and wish some positive outcome, I'm praying for it!

My story

#436002 - 05/27/13 09:53 PM Re: Scared and want to move forward [Re: JoeSmith]
genedebs Offline

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 378
Loc: MO

The reality is the fear is overwhelming. You are afraid that it will be worse, but there is little that will make it worse. It is all you can do to make a post of coffee, shower, workout for an hour, stare off into space, do sexual fantasy in your head or on the internet and get some sleep.

What have you got to lose in therapy, reliving the pain, the helplessness, the loss of control. you have that now whether you are in the memory in the bathtub, or just between your ears.

Admitting your excitement about physical touch, the warmth, the sense of being accepted. So distant from your father; so less violated by your mother and sister, the simple contact like with the terrycloth rehsuess monkey mother. You still have the muscle memory of the metal shoved up your rectum. You still live with ibs from the unresolved stress of decades ago.

Turn over all your memories and let the therapist do his (her) magic. Let it go, stop trying to protect yourself. The safetyu you seek ahs never been there you need a new safe place a new sense of safety, a new acceptance that you are you ansd it is O K to be you, even if you will never be who you think you should be, or become. It doesn't matter. The day came for me when I accepted that I would not get anything more done, but that was O K.

I am 64 and I will be back in Therapy on Thursday, with no expectation that I will heal, but at least I know my feeling worthless is a lie.


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