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#435559 - 05/23/13 03:47 PM Hi
mountainfrost Offline

Registered: 05/21/13
Posts: 4
Loc: PA
Hi Guys,
I am a 45 year old who has recently told my therapist of years of sexual abuse when I was a child and early teen. I also told my wife who has been an enormous help and a positive force. My therapist, while he a great guy in other aspects of my life (I have been seeing him for years), I feel I need someone else for the sexual abuse. His approach seems to be more like that of a counselor than a therapist. Anyone know of anyone in northeast Pennsylvania?

My abuse started at a young age, about 5 or 6 and was done to me by a police officer who lived a few houses down from us. The abuse stopped abruptly when I was 15 for whatever reason. I was constantly terrorized and stalked by him up until the day I moved out of town at 19. My town, in northeast NJ had a population of around 30k, so it was fairly large. Everywhere I went, he would pop up in his police car and just say he was watching out for me/us, which adults saw as a positive sign. Only later did I learn that officers had assigned districts, so when I was on the other side of town, he was WAY out of his district. So, I was stalked, a fear that has stayed with me till this day. I watch every car that comes up our dirt road and I am a very private person. This paranoia has affected every aspect of my life. In the supermarket, I don't like people behind me in line, so my wife stands guard behind me. Same with restaurants - I have to sit in corners, facing out, so I can see others. Ugh, it can be so taxing, but I am working on it! :-)

Anyway, I have been in denial for years and am just now researching symptoms and whatnot and how they carry over into adulthood. What an eye opener seeing 'this is why I do this and that'! I work in the mental health field and now have to actually practice what I preach (gulp! lol), that one can heal if one tries and works towards it.

Thanks for listening,

#435631 - 05/24/13 05:03 AM Re: Hi [Re: mountainfrost]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Welcome Chris,

You have made a great start by posting your story here, and disclosing to your therapist and wife. Kudos to her for being supportive. Many of us were not so fortunate.

Like you, I had been seeing a series of therapists over a period of ten years, but never disclosed my CSA experience before last year. After 42 years of keeping it a secret, it was amazing to finally understand why I was so messed up and into so much bad stuff.I did switch therapists to one that specializes in recovery from childhood trauma. It has made a big difference in my recovery.

If you go to the front page of MS, and look at the menu on the left, then click on the link that says "Support". A drop-down menu will appear with several topics, including "Find a Therapist". That may be of some help.

Use this site to learn all you can. You'll find, among other things, that you are not alone in your experiences and your feelings. You've got nearly 12,000 guys watching your back.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#435640 - 05/24/13 08:16 AM Re: Hi [Re: mountainfrost]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
yes. you have come to the right place. welcome.

unfortunately there are almost 12,000 registered SA survivors on this site. that is far too many. and more joining up everyday.

it is good that so many have come forward, but it is also sad that there are so many of us. if this many have joined, it really makes you wonder how many survivors are out there struggling alone. like many of us used to do.

hope you find the help and support you want here.

i was a member for about 10 years before i gained enough courage to start posting. i pray you recover sooner than i did.


#435641 - 05/24/13 09:04 AM Re: Hi [Re: mountainfrost]
mattheal Offline

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
Hi Chris.

I hope you will find this site, like I have to be an enormous wealth of information and its people to a source of comfort and strength.

Congrats on the personal discovery.

Peace to you,
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

#435648 - 05/24/13 12:24 PM Re: Hi [Re: mountainfrost]
genedebs Offline

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 378
Loc: MO
Hi Chris

Welcome. You now are on a journey that, if you are like most of us, tried to avoid. This is a safe place, when there are so few places in our paranoid lives. You will find many of us do make some progress. Although there are thousands of us on the site, less than 1/10 of 1 % have even made it this far.

We all have different stories, and we all are just the same

I hope you find the support you need

Edited by genedebs (05/24/13 12:24 PM)

#462131 - 03/06/14 08:05 PM Re: Hi [Re: mountainfrost]
mountainfrost Offline

Registered: 05/21/13
Posts: 4
Loc: PA
Hi everyone and thank you so much for your kind words.
It's been a while since I have been here, for which I apologize. My wife and I purchased a home and I have started some fairly intensive therapy which had me cowering at first but now I am finally starting to feel better and am able to talk more openly about what happened to me. I have even disclosed to two of my clients which has helped THEM immensely!
I am also being medicated with praising which has completely eliminated my night terrors and now I have happy dreams - what a difference! :-)

Things are feeling better. -:)

#462142 - 03/06/14 10:43 PM Re: Hi [Re: mountainfrost]
Adam A Gedman Offline

Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Hello Chris,

I am sorry for your reason to be here, and sorry that I need to keep repeating this line.
I am glad you found us, even though I myself arrived well after your original post.

I am glad to read of your positive progress and hope only for more of the same, for you and for all of us.

Welcome back, and take care
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014


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