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#435510 - 05/22/13 11:55 PM IS THIS NORMAL?????
forgive777 Offline

Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 135
Loc: california
Iam seen a therapist! Its now about 6 months and its as it was still the first day everyday I go. As if iam never going to get better it makes me feel weird like I walk out of there feeling like a child again with anxiety gloomy puppy eyes etc. And then I have to show up to the room iam renting out and deal with some drunk!! Roomate always wants to fight. I feel like I get nervous easier i do I need to find a peaceful home appt. Room etc. To heal? Becouse like I said I feel like that lil abused child again... IS THIS NORMAL??????????? THANKS

#435513 - 05/23/13 12:45 AM Re: IS THIS NORMAL????? [Re: forgive777]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3853
I think I know what you mean. Until you begin to open up, the wall stands and nothing moves forward. If your T does not make you feel safe, it may not be the right fit. My T makes me feel safe, no judgment, no preconceived ideas of who I am. He listens, he talks and gives ideas,but leaves them open for me to accept. I had my wall up, but once I began to tell what happened to me, I became the one to talk and share. I had never shared, I feared anyone knowing. I once found someone who listened and I almost opened up but my shame and guilt stopped me. But that was decades ago. I found myself gravitating to people who did not make me feel safe because I now realize they too had issues of their own, but these people allowed me not to share my past--and that is what I thought I wanted. Now I look for people who make me feel safe and I can share my feelings, thoughts and life. Find a T that makes you feel safe, but you may have found one and it may take time, but look at yourself, are you ready to open up about the CSA? For me it took four decades and some very disturbing and unknown periods in my life.

I wish you the best.

Edited by KMCINVA (05/23/13 12:53 AM)

#435519 - 05/23/13 01:51 AM Re: IS THIS NORMAL????? [Re: forgive777]
BraveFalcon Offline

Registered: 02/26/13
Posts: 1231
Loc: The ATL

Hi Bert. Well, I don't know for certain if you need to find a new therapist but I do know for certain you need to find a new roommate. This dude sounds like a real asshole and I'd get the hell out of that situation as soon as I possibly could if I were you.

The therapy situation could take some time. Have you told the T you are going to everything about your past? If not, it's going to be difficult to make progress without doing so. If so, then I'd say six months isn't really that long of a time to be dealing with CSA issue for the first time. Progress on these kinds of things can take years. Don't expect it to happen overnight.

So, here's me wishing you progress and a non-asshole roommate in your near future. Don't give up. Peace,


#435527 - 05/23/13 02:29 AM Re: IS THIS NORMAL????? [Re: BraveFalcon]
forgive777 Offline

Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 135
Loc: california
Thanks! Ken

#435528 - 05/23/13 02:33 AM Re: IS THIS NORMAL????? [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline

Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 135
Loc: california
I have told her all of it but iam going threw a Chapman University Student! Therapist iam thinking of looking for another t with more experience!

#435545 - 05/23/13 03:29 AM Re: IS THIS NORMAL????? [Re: forgive777]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Look for someone with experience dealing with childhood trauma. I've wasted alot of time in therapy, either because I wasn't being honest with the guy, or because the guy was not equipped for dealing with my stuff. There's no time to waste, and like Ken said above, real healing can take years. I expect to be in therapy till I assume room temperature.....maybe longer!

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#435546 - 05/23/13 03:41 AM Re: IS THIS NORMAL????? [Re: forgive777]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
controlling your environment and keeping it stress free (roommate) is important, but taken too far, can become an issue in and of itself.

regarding your question... is this normal?
yes. this is normal, for a survivor.

you are a survivor.
you are normal.

also.. i agree with jude and bravefalcon.

they makes sense.


#435556 - 05/23/13 01:55 PM Re: IS THIS NORMAL????? [Re: forgive777]
Poorsoft Offline

Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Your room mate is abusive and must go. Having someone like that in your life and in your home (home needs to feel safe) is not healthy. Boot him asap.

As for your therapist, theres a way you can tell its working.
-how much of the time are you talking and how much are they talking? If they are doing more talking than you, then this either says you arent engaging or they are talking way too much.
-Does your head hurt after the session? If its hurtin it be workin! If it felt more like a casual chat then thats a red flag.

If you feel the way you did as a child, tell them. Like doctors, your self reporting is essential. Tell them what it feels like, just as you have us.

Best of luck, go easy


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