I'm needing to dump. I've not looked at this stuff for years. Something came up recently, opening me up.
I was at my 12 step meeting 2 nights ago, feeling down, but I thought it was from feeling dejected by my wife. We've been separated 2 years now.
I was mad, sad, open to share.
Something hit me during my meeting. I sat in the very back, away from everyone else, though I've been in this group over 2 years. I didn't feel ok with myself. Trust was down. Jitteryness wasn't high. I just needed to dump.....something.
The speaker, who's a survivor himself, touched something in me. I don't know what happened. I just realized/remembered I didn't trust him or nearly anyone due to my brother taking something from me.
I felt inadequate, unmanly, unworthy. I'd pressured my wife covertly to boost my manliness, she obviously felt it, I got distance from her, and this speaker seemed to point to my mistrust and pain. I shook, crying each time he closed a point.
When I got in group, I dumped it..(slowly, surely, finally crying for about 30 seconds). I let myself know.
I pray for a guide/signpost, for people are scary to me...from a 6 year old's perspective.