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#435036 - 05/18/13 09:02 AM how am i supposed to sleep again?!?
Daniel_forgotten Offline

Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
why is mind like this? why wouldn't just let it go?? how are we supposed to live like this?? why is it so unfair!

ibeen doing eveything to be ok.. i didn't even log in here.. and then bam! there, remember, remember that, remember this, remember their voice, remember the ones you couldn't help, remember the ones who died... whst am i doing? why does it sabotages me like this... i didn't ask to be alive... i just want the no-more...

#435037 - 05/18/13 09:36 AM Re: how am i supposed to sleep again?!? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Hang in there Daniel. Yes, it sucks, and its so unfair...none of us asked for this...why are we stuck with this crap? Reliving it over and over..

No good answers here friend. Nights are always the worst, but morning will come, and with daylight things will seem a little better. Remember, you survived thats what matters.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#435039 - 05/18/13 11:59 AM Re: how am i supposed to sleep again?!? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1070
Daniel (and Charles)

We love you. You are smart and strong. You exist for a reason in this world.

It is OK to remember the ones you could not help, but following them to the darkness does not help them now.

Can you remember them without fear? The memories of them could be good motivation to heal yourself to accomplish great things in life.

Glad to see you again. We have missed you.

I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But I won't let sorrow get me way down.

#435042 - 05/18/13 01:03 PM Re: how am i supposed to sleep again?!? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3852
I am sorry for your pain. It truly does suck that the past can control our life. Few understand our pain-the memories, the body memories and the sounds or words come alive as we try to sleep, they creep into our subconscious, robbing us of the sleep we need to help us heal. I had over a year of little to no sleep but no one, not even I, knew what was happening. I continued to deny the past, the words and actions of others triggered the memories, they made him come back to me--I did not want him back so I thought--a part of me did want him--the child within that I left behind when it all began. As I move on the healing journey I am learning to share my past and love the child within. I am learning not to hate a part of me. It has taken years but I am getting a sense of peace.

It takes time, do not be hard on yourself--as I was on myself. Love yourself and remember you were not responsible for what happened--the guilt and shame you carry can destroy as can the secret many of us hid for a lifetime. Share when you feel comfortable. Letting it out will help.

When going through the process it seems as though there is no peace insight. I felt that way many, many times. I would move forward and then slip back. I thought of giving up, but I remembered what my doctor said--I deserve the happy tomorrows.

Stay strong, heal and remember you are valuable and are not responsible for what was done to you.

#435192 - 05/20/13 01:55 AM Re: how am i supposed to sleep again?!? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
kcinohio Offline

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 512
Loc: Ohio
Sorry for the sleep problems. That can be troublesome. I've found that it does get better over time, but I can still have issues unrelated to CSA.

Just remember that getting some downtime rest, even when the mind is churning, can still be helpful for a tired body.

#435194 - 05/20/13 02:18 AM Re: how am i supposed to sleep again?!? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
Hebrew name (Daniyyel) meaning "God is my judge".


you hold the line Daniel.
god will set things straight.


#435211 - 05/20/13 03:49 AM Re: how am i supposed to sleep again?!? [Re: victor-victim]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

I believe you've made great progress. Don't give up. I think we here in MS could support you more by chatting with you either in chat forum or in PM or in this open forum.

DID is difficult stuff to deal with. I thought my issues were pretty well settled. But a few weeks ago as I was in bed ready to go to sleep I felt myself shift to a boy alter. I haven't felt that for a long time. I don't know age or other particulars very much yet. Yes I know what I'm saying. I have a T session this week and I can talk this over with him. I wasn't able to tell much about the boy alter, but he bears the memories of CSA. Now that it's coming forward it can be dealt with.

It is difficult to get good sleep. I'm concerned that my brain has been trained to remain partly awake during my sleeping hours. Some alters like to remain awake. I get good sleep if I fall asleep in the car with the cd or radio playing. The engine is off. The seat is tilted backwards. The music allows some of the alter or alters to relax. I know that part is listening even though I'm asleep. I don't fully understand it. I just know it works.


Edited by pufferfish (05/20/13 03:55 AM)

#435221 - 05/20/13 06:34 AM Re: how am i supposed to sleep again?!? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
lapchinj Offline

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1485
Loc: New York
Hey Daniel,

I too have problems with the screaming and crying, it's tearing at my soul and slowly eating up my brain. Were they disposable or just sold to some other hell hole. I have either nightmares or flashbacks about it every night, I cannot get a full night's sleep no matter what meds are given to me. They chase me every night wanting to kill me for what I did. I think about them constantly and I can't shake them off. I don't know yet what the answer is and I'm hanging on threads. I have a shrink appointment tomorrow to try once more to adjust my meds. If you would like to talk please PM me, I won't bother you otherwise but I think we're talking the same shit.

I'm sorry I haven't found that magic yet but I would love to share it with you. If you really need more of it I would gladly give it all to you. Just hang in there.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

#435279 - 05/20/13 09:53 PM Re: how am i supposed to sleep again?!? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
are you feeling better, daniel?
fresh memories can be like fresh wounds.
i still get them. you ok?


#435280 - 05/20/13 10:28 PM Re: how am i supposed to sleep again?!? [Re: victor-victim]
Tyler845 Offline

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.

Healing Hugs.

Be well Daniel, and all our other Brothers'

Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ


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