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#433900 - 05/07/13 07:43 PM Self Acceptance
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1595
Loc: California
I dunno how its working but it seems to be working.

Started with the loving kindness meditation. Then came with my realization that I was responsible for learning how to love myself, and accept my disabilities. Then awareness of how my anger and bitterness was coming across to other people.

I have known no other way of living; I've always been angry that I was born with 2 disabilities. I remember being angry about it as a young child. The bullying and teasing happened because of my disabilities.

But now I know that I MUST let the anger go, but have no idea how. So I decided to be WILLING to let it go. I have to.

Something seems to be changing in me. I find people less threatening. I find myself more comfortable. I find that I'm joking more, talking more. Taking small risks. Not feeling like a failure when my risks don't pay off.

I think I might be starting to enjoy this.


#433908 - 05/07/13 08:29 PM Re: Self Acceptance [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2695
Loc: durham, north england
@magelan, as someone who has an idea of how hard this particular struggle is, I'm really pleased to hear how well these meditations help you feel more comfortable with yourself.

Anger is hard, because in several senses if you have a disability,, you have a right to be angry, because no, it's not fair, indeed the same could be true of abuse though myself I've never actually managed to feel anger about that (which is odd). Still sometimes anger is unnavoidable, and occasionally there are emotions or actiosn related to anger I've found useful in the past.

This morning I tripped, putting my foot in a pothole on the pavement. it was nobody's fault accept perhaps mine. I got angry, I swore, I shouted at the bloody sodding pothole!

A lady asked if I was okay, I responded that no I wasn't thanks to the stupid bloody hole in the dam road, but i would be in a minute.

I think she was a little disconcerted, however if I hadn't! sworn so much, I'd have just been walkign along, feeling the pain in my ancle, feeling that grey knot of generalized resentment, and I've have likely been much more unpleasant to the next person I met. By expressing my pain and yes, irritation in this way however, I was able to focus it on the right thing, the inanimate pothole, which has no feelings to hurt, no harm to be done, and is far better than letting my anger sit around and then expressing it at myself in the course of several hours or even days, or still worse at another person.

Then, there is anger and determination, letting anger over a different thing actually fuel other efforts instead, be determined not! to just! be your own disabilities or others perceptions.

The problem however is leaving anger at that, since there are far too many other negative forms of anger, jealousy, resentment etc.

One thing I'm trying to practice is more healthy methods for dealing with anger, and yelling at potholes, odd as that sounds is actually one of them.

#433909 - 05/07/13 08:30 PM Re: Self Acceptance [Re: Magellan]
OCN Offline

Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 400
Loc: Western Europe
Good to hear Magellan!

Think its very important to understand the key lies within, even though it can be so tough for us. I'm still struggling with letting go, but i know deep down inside its the only way to really be free from all that is blocking me from living my life.

I like the insight! Being responsible for learning how to love myself.. it sure rings a bell.. I want to add that on the days i fully embraced my suffering i could finally see everybody suffers. It made me feel connected to everyone more than ever..

Do you have a youtube video meditation you use? Want to try the loving kidness meditation again smile

Cheers for this positive vibe! Taking it with me into the night

Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

I now know who I am - I've never been anybody else!


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