i have still not recovered from mysterious skin. it hits far too close to home.
in a bizarre coincidence... last night we (my family) were sitting down together, watching 3rd Rock from the Sun . i am not too familiar with this show and had hardly paid close attention to it before. previous random contact with this show told me it was clever light comedy.
then i suddenly recognized the little boy on that show !!! i had seen him before but had never made the connection.
I blurted out without thinking... "oh my god! is that the guy from mysterious skin?" my 17 year old daughter says, without a moment's hesitation... "yeah, that's Joseph Gordon-Levitt "
i went into shock. "you have seen mysterious skin?" she answered, without reservation "yeah. i've seen all his movies." apparently she had seen it some years ago, and was a big fan of this handsome actor.
i was so upset that she had seen this movie, and i wanted to know where and how that had happened. my wife, who has never seen it, tried to shut me down, but i was adamant that she should never have seen such a horrible film.
i was angry that i had not been able to protect her from witnessing such disgusting activity. i was horrified that my teenage daughter could not even understand what was so bad about the movie. it was "just a movie". of course my memory of the story was far worse that hers.
long story short, in my agitated state, some disclosure leaked out to my daughter, and my wife tried to contain the damage.
the situation degraded rapidly into a huge argument about power and control, and everyone left me sitting by myself.
i could not sleep all night. finally passed out a few hours ago, but after only a few hours of restless sleep, i woke up to an empty house. i had to cancel all my plans today. i am physically emotionally spiritually mentally all over the place. i am thinking about marijuana. but i refuse to give in.
it'll be all right. eventually. i always get through it. i am just worried about how long it is gonna take to fully recover this time. i just broke down and cried while i was typing this.
my family will never understand, and i hope they never do. i should be grateful that my daughter has no reaction to the disgusting scenes she has witnessed.
now i am laughing at how ridiculous i am. can you believe i can be triggered by 3rd rock from the sun. i used to enjoy watching that comedy. now i will be avoiding it. what really makes me sick, is that i identified far too much with the 15 year old version of the actor.
seeing him as a precocious but innocent smart ass with long dark hair. i wanted to warn him about what was going to happen to him. i wanted him to stay the way he was.
i actually became that confused, that i could not differentiate between an actor, a character, a tv show, and a movie.
it's prayer time. thanks for listening.
i have no right to offer any advice to anyone on this website. every positive message i have heretofore posted seems like fluffy candy. no meat. the brave face. the false front. i considered deleting all my previous posts, but i know that person is also real. i will find him again.
i will have to keep my kids out of this, and i am currently not in therapy. sorry for dumping all this garbage here.
________________________________________________ on a brighter note... this is what Joseph Gordon-Levitt is up to recently. something very positive that looks quite interesting. haven't tried it out myself, yet, but i might. * www.hitrecord.org/ * www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VcPF72MFsU
i have still not recovered from mysterious skin. it hits far too close to home.
I saw that movie twice a few years ago. I know that it has that effect on some guys. I'm sorry you had trouble. Actually my abuse was so very different that I don't get triggered by mysterious skin. I get really triggered by movies showing kidnap. There are several of those around.
it's prayer time.
i have no right to offer any advice to anyone on this website.
Yes you do. We have all profited from your posts. Please do not delete any of them.
since you asked me not to, i promise i won't delete my posts. i am feeling better already had a good talk with my family about an hour ago. they don't understand me, of course not, but they love me.
it gets easier every time, does it not?
i already know from past experience that withdrawing into a whirlpool of "why why why" is a waste of precious time. one of my many therapists taught me how to break the downward spiral, when she identified what i was doing.
she said something like, "oh, that is what you do... you ruminate and escalate when you contemplate. you need to ventilate" i did not quite understand her at the time, i was too busy venting to hear with my heart. (* venting is not the same as ventilating). what she said stuck with me, though, because i was not familiar with some of the words, and my pride would not allow that.
i had to look them up in a dictionary later, and it was one of those epiphany moments. once i understood it, it stopped. as timothy leary once said... "once you get the message, you can hang up the phone"
i am too old and wise to succumb to the panic anymore.
i have finally learned to put some distance between my compulsions and my actions.
i appreciate your concern.
pretty silly, and yet so serious. this is who we are
* my definitions... VENTING: letting out steam to avoid an explosion VENTILATING: open a window and let in some fresh air
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
thank you, V-V!
you have only been on my radar a short time - but you have already made an impact and help my understnading and process of putting things together.
i benefitted from your story above. i get it. hope you are profitting from sharing here as much as others are from your participation.
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"
I would freak out if my daughter had seen it too (mind you she is only 10) but if she ever saw it. The one thing that is a shining light in this is that the movie did not have a huge effect on her. I think it is FANTASTIC that she doesn't understand. You HAVE protected her - obviously.
I actually think this last episode gives you more right to say all the positive things you have posted..... because you REALLY know how it feels to be at the negative side of things and how to get back again. You have had heaps of great stuff to say since your return and I would be disappointed if you deleted them too.
Like you said it does get easier every time.
You know I do not actually regret watching the movie because it helped me identify with my younger self more. Like I said before this was almost the same as my story. It helped to see that Neils actions at 15 were so obviously a reaction to the abuse he suffered at 8. In short - it was not his fault ....so it shouldn't be mine either.
More than meets the eye!
This movie created a very intense, unpleasant and deep reaction in me. The title and description do not give you any warning as to the content.
I strongly advise sensitive SA Survivors to avoid this film if you are NOT secure in your recovery. --------------------------- Hounddog(2007) Director: Deborah Kampmeier Writer: Deborah Kampmeier Stars: Dakota Fanning, Granoldo Frazier, Piper Laurie ----------------------------
the movie is well crafted, but the content includes child sexuality and abuse. possible triggers for survivors.
I watched Conspiracy Theory over the weekend. It is much better than the 2 movies on Manchurian Candidate in my opinion. The things that seem most realistic to me were: sense of isolation in the character played by Mel Gibson. The interest in how he responded was intriguing. It was interesting that his programming failed. He had "break through" where he was able to get glimpses of what was going on with him. I liked the part best where he bit the doctor's nose and escaped. The movie was suspenseful.
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