I identify with this too.
I have always lived a double life - it was part of keeping up appearances. Hiding the secrets. Outwardly I was this golden haired, well behaved, happy, talented, intelligent boy. That was the 'fake' me. In nearly all my childhood pictures that is how I look - I was a good actor. The real me was an empty shell - dark and emotionless.
Publicly, as a teen, I was the 'good christian' poster boy who knew all the right things to say and do. I was a real people pleaser too - that was my role in life to make others happy. It was my facade. Privately I was a low down dirty sinner - who was being used sexually to make others happy - because afterall that was my true purpose in life.
This 'fake' personality continued into adulthood and helped me gain success in many areas. I have reinvented myself over and over again. I am whoever you want me to be.
The thing I have come to question is which one is the real me. I realised that what I thought was a fake facade to allow me to cope in the real world is actually me too. Maybe the me I would have been. We are complicated little carbon based life forms. Survivors more than any other people have such a huge depth of character/personality. We need to embrace All of our personality traits and bring them out as the situation requires.
I am finally feeling Jude's comment too.
Being selfish is entirely in order if it means taking care of yourself and not always putting other people's needs ahead of yourself and your recovery.
I have lived my life according to others expectations of me and now I think I want to do what I want to do. It is Me time.