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#433163 - 05/01/13 05:57 PM What to do, what to do?
patientlywaiting Offline

Registered: 06/07/12
Posts: 16
Loc: New York
Hi all,
Here's little background about my situation:
I was in a relationship for 4 1/2 years that ended this past August. I wanted to get married and he felt that he wasn't ready for it. He broke up with me because he said that he felt we were in different places and he didn't feel supported by me when he was trying to get into counseling for CSA. He moved out and we were apart until we ran into each other in mid-February.

During this time, he was in therapy and when I ran into him, he was about to start group therapy. He asked me if I would go out on a date with him. He confessed that he his feelings for me hadn't changed and he didn't want me to "slip away". I reluctantly agreed, but the date went really well and we've been seeing each other since.

Things have been going really well, and we've made it a point to take it slow and give each other our space. Last week I asked him if he was my boyfriend. He said that he didn't want to put labels back on things yet. Late last week he started acting distant and didn't return my text or call for a day. I went to his house because I knew he was avoiding me, but I wasn't sure why.
He confessed that he thought I was taking things more quickly than he was ready to handle, especially since his depression has gotten fairly bad since starting group therapy. I told him I couldn't go through losing him again, but I'm been reconsidering this statement.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm prepared to handle all that comes along with a partner who has dysthymic depression. I feel like most of our relationship has been about his needs and what he can handle and my needs are sometimes pushed to the side. We're supposed to have a chat tonight and I still haven't made my decision. Any partners/significant others who can offer a bit of advice?

Edited by patientlywaiting (05/01/13 05:58 PM)

#433263 - 05/02/13 01:05 PM Re: What to do, what to do? [Re: patientlywaiting]
Esposa Offline

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 811
Loc: NJ
Your last sentence is very powerful - and often many of us are more committed than you are when we realize this - and we go through a period of trying to decide WHAT'S IN THIS FOR ME? And of course that is much more complicated when there are children, mortgages, etc.

You sound like you are doing the right thing. Standing on the precipice of a committment and realizing that this relationship will not, for at least the short term, be 100% fulfilling. That isn't to say it couldn't be someday, but that's the gamble. And that's your decision.

I love my husband and I love the things our relationship has given me - children primarily and some really fun happy years. But I know I have given up many of my needs so I look at you with some envy wink

#435133 - 05/19/13 03:26 PM Re: What to do, what to do? [Re: patientlywaiting]
Disappointed Offline

Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 542
Loc: U.S.A.
Honestly, I would never contact him or suggest anything.

Read the book "The Rules."

If the approach doesn't work, as they write, it's "Next!"


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