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#434524 - 05/13/13 01:24 AM Re: Feel like I got hit by a Mac Truck [Re: allalone]
allalone Offline

Registered: 04/20/13
Posts: 20
So H has his first counseling appt. this Wednesday. I have a feeling he isn't going to be honest about his current affair.

We went to church this morning all together. His parents were in town so I saw him quite a bit this weekend. The church message was great and really had something meaningful to say about marriage, however I'm fairly certain he has twisted it to fit his current thoughts/actions.

When his parents got to my house yesterday they walked in and immediately hugged me and started crying. He turned his back and had tears streaming down his face.

Today he's acting all detached.

He sent me text saying he knew how hard this weekend was for me and that he wanted to thank me for allowing the kids to see his parents. I told him he was welcome and that I was happy I got to see his parents as well. He then sent me one saying that he would try never to do that to me again, it was an unforeseen situation and he was grateful. I didn't reply so he then sent me one that said I respect you highly as a friend.... this is why I tell you.... I have my first counseling appt. this week.

I'm so devastated that he may have his mind made up that he doesn't love me as a wife. I know it's because of the current affair but it still hurts. I'm hoping the counseling can get through to him, I just don't see how when he's still in this "relationship affair".

#434551 - 05/13/13 12:33 PM Re: Feel like I got hit by a Mac Truck [Re: allalone]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
allalone- I am a survivor of sexual assault and I do care. I am going to agree with what farmer boy said about the ongoing affair. It might be easier if it had been just random acts, but add the element of emotion... well, its hard. My spouse also had an emotional affair. I was devastated.

From what I read, I see that your H is looking for someone to blame for his misconduct, his acting out. Don't accept that. It isn't your fault that others were brought into your marriage, into your family. Don't accept his anger, or his loneliness, or his shame, or his guilt, or his grief. He made it happen. It belongs to him and he needs it. He needs to heal from whatever is hurting him.

Accept your loneliness, and your anger, and your grief. The two are different. Focus on you. ...and btw... from where I stand as an observer of what you have shared... I also would want to know the story behind any actions my significant other played out with another in an affair. You had and do have the right to investigate. It just makes you stronger, more focused, and more aware. You do what is necessary to deal and to heal.

I am so sorry you have been given this to deal with and I felt your pain as you wrote what was taking place. Good luck to you. (((((allalone))))).
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

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