Dang I just erased mky post.
I will try again.
To irregular et al
First you must be true to yourself. If you try to be someone other than yourself you will get in a tangle. As Oscar Wilde said "you might as well be yourself, everybody else is already taken." God did not make you to become someone else, but to become the best potential you that you can.
What is love? you know the experience of joy when you see them welcome you. Not always, but it is true. You will do things to help them. Note I said YOU will do things, not become someone else for them. You may sacrifice to help them. This is beyond love but it is kind.
I don't think you are really asking about love. I think you are asking about the respect and honor you are culturally required to do for your parents and your ancestors. You say the culture is based on being South Asian. The Chinese and Jews also have this culture. Who knows maybe others do also. But, this is not 1950 and this is not the old world. This is 2013 and this is North America. You do what you can and you do not owe them any more. You certainly do not owe them your life. That was a gift freely given BY GOD. They don't get to take it back.
I hope this is helpful. It was a way for me to express my anger at your parents, their disrespect, manipulation, and abuse.
Just think. he was the adult, you were the child, how can you be responsible for his choices?
I felt I needed to do this without sharing my similarities, making comparisons is just not part of what we need to do. Let me just say, I understand, but my parents have been dead for more than 10 years.