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#432515 - 04/26/13 11:09 AM Top 10 Things Men Fear
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
What are your fears? This list matches mine pretty well, but I could add another ten to it.

10. Going to the Doctor
To go to a doctor means you are not immortal. You are afraid it will make you look bad in front of your family – or employer. You want to be considered reliable , but sometimes fear makes it difficult to accept that even men can get sick from time to time.

9. Being wrong
It is often inferred that as a man you need to have all the answers to every question that comes up. The fear of being wrong can sometimes have negative consequences. Why? Because even when you are wrong a person who has this fear will work to explain away the issue and can cause further problems for themselves and others.

8. Public Speaking
This fear may be the result of trying not to appear foolish. It may be linked to a feeling that you don’t possess the qualifications needed to discuss the topic with skill and style. No man ever wants to feel foolish.

7. Commitment
Men sometimes will have difficulty gaining the courage to get married because deep down they wonder if they might just mess this up too. Believe it or not men keep a laundry list of personal failings and work overtime trying to figure out ways to avoid making mistakes in the future.

6. Inadequate lover
A man’s sexual identity is very important to them. Many will fear not being able to satisfy their partner or leaving them frustrated. This fear may actually contribute to the fear of commitment.

5. Poor health
This may seem similar to the fear of going to the doctor, but it is actually an extension of that fear. If the man can gain enough confidence to visit the doctor he may fear the long term implications of a chronic health condition.

4. The risk of financial loss
Men pride themselves on being providers for their family. Even in today’s society where women often share in the financial burden of a family men still feel as if the weight of responsibility is theirs to bear. The prospect of not being able to provide for a family is a strong fear-inducer in men.

3. Not being a good husband or father
Being a husband or father is an investment – not just in the life of the child and wife, but in the deepest part of the heart of man. Some men can be broken if they come to a place where they admit failings related to their family.

2. Appearing to need help
This fear is often why men won’t stop to ask for directions and will walk down every aisle of a store six times instead of asking where they keep their 3/4 inch grommets. Man are supposed to know stuff. Fear can cause men to make things more difficult then they need to be.

1. Failure
The biggest fear in the hearts of men is failure. Everything goes back to this. Men want to be dependable in every way, but if there is real or perceived failure many men run the risk of spiraling out of control and throwing all relationships and good sense out the window because instead of realizing a mistake was made that could be learned from they move toward the complete assumption they are failures at everything.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#432516 - 04/26/13 11:20 AM Re: Top 10 Things Men Fear [Re: Jude]
DavoSwim Offline

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 388
Loc: Midwest

This is a great list. From a personal standpoint, this sums up most of my fears. I wish to add one thing - Becoming irrelevant.

Keep up the good work


#432518 - 04/26/13 11:28 AM Re: Top 10 Things Men Fear [Re: Jude]
toysoldier Offline

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 500
Loc: Texas
this post is spot on !
I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders..

Bit by bit Torn apart We never win But the battle wages on
For toy soldiers!

#432525 - 04/26/13 12:42 PM Re: Top 10 Things Men Fear [Re: Jude]
csasurvivor1992 Offline

Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
yep, failure. right on the nose.

i feel most times like I already am.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

#432534 - 04/26/13 01:54 PM Re: Top 10 Things Men Fear [Re: Jude]
jfy Offline

Registered: 04/16/13
Posts: 15
Actually, only #1 still applies, not sure how i get rid of the feeling that being successful at whatever i do is a way to better self esteem. I know for many many years i thought if i was perfect then i would be accepted, that being successful would offset the feelings of uselessness and brokenness that stemmed from my CSA. Now i know that's not the case, but there's still that lingering fear of failure, i'm hoping that with continued work and truly living the 12 steps, and ultimately becoming more reliant on God, that this will go away?


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