Newest Members
bushydw, Teddyboy1969, Ransuko, Lovme4me, MRSAS
13556 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Archnut (62), CruxFidelis (36), HenryinJax (39), Jesse92 (25), psychfred (2017), weejimmy (58)
Who's Online
3 registered (3 invisible), 70 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,556 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,498 Topics
492,311 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#431921 - 04/21/13 07:45 AM sticking to my guns
HD001 Offline

Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 276
Loc: us
It was really hard but I did it. I felt sick to my stomach and nervous as hell but I did it. I told H when he came home drunk two weeks ago that I couldn't watch him hurt himself anymore. I told him that if he is going to go out and drink that he needs to stay at a buddys house. (Normally I am sick with worry and wait up for him and then he stumbles in and vomits while I grab a garbage can and help him to bed). He acted upset with me and implied that I was treating him badly. I reminded him that we talked about this two weeks ago and that I wasn't going to be his enabler. And that it is just to heartbreaking for me to watch anymore. He didn't have anything to say to that. :-P
I then texted his friend who I know very well and told him that H would need to stay with him tonight and that I hoped that was okay. He said it was.
After it was done I no longer felt nervous. I felt empowered. I felt like I finally had cut the rope that ties me to his alcoholism. A weight was lifted. This really really surprised me because as I was doing it I felt super nervous.
I guess I'm posting because what I did tonight I feel was a big step for both H and myself. I gave him back the portion of accountability that I held for his alcoholism. I took it long ago and it wasn't mine to take. So it seemed like I should return it to its rightful owner. Now that he has full accountibility for his alcoholism I hope that he will be able to feel how heavy a load it really is. In time.
I'm really proud of myself. I just needed to share with someone.
Everything comes from within

#431928 - 04/21/13 01:23 PM Re: sticking to my guns [Re: HD001]
Candu Offline

Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
That's fantastic. Good for you.

#431956 - 04/21/13 07:00 PM Re: sticking to my guns [Re: HD001]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Hey HD,

What you did took not only courage, but self-respect and respect for your partner. Boundaries are kind of alien to CSA survivors, and definitely alien to alcoholics. Defining your boundaries and sticking to them is a HUGE step. Keep up the good work buddy. Err...sorry, I didn't realize you were female. No offense.


Edited by Jude (04/22/13 03:13 PM)
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#432004 - 04/22/13 01:35 AM Re: sticking to my guns [Re: HD001]
karin4him Offline

Registered: 03/18/12
Posts: 23
Loc: Illinois
My H is an alcoholic and a CSA survivor. I've been going to Al Anon and that really helps me keep things in perspective and is helping me heal. You've taken a huge step and I congratulate you! I also encourage you to consider Al Anon to help you.


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.