Newest Members
twinker, LaneFiasco95, Kristabar, tom93, ninjei
13513 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
bcb00 (41), beginning (37), Gary H. (44), jewelmom (66), kdg2310 (58), Li Yuki (2017), monarchnaps (39), Neverquit (33), Nord (61), SoSad (48)
Who's Online
3 registered (Greg56, Golden_Phoenix, 1 invisible), 79 Guests and 1 Spider online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,513 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,196 Topics
490,121 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#431921 - 04/21/13 07:45 AM sticking to my guns
HD001 Offline

Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 276
Loc: us
It was really hard but I did it. I felt sick to my stomach and nervous as hell but I did it. I told H when he came home drunk two weeks ago that I couldn't watch him hurt himself anymore. I told him that if he is going to go out and drink that he needs to stay at a buddys house. (Normally I am sick with worry and wait up for him and then he stumbles in and vomits while I grab a garbage can and help him to bed). He acted upset with me and implied that I was treating him badly. I reminded him that we talked about this two weeks ago and that I wasn't going to be his enabler. And that it is just to heartbreaking for me to watch anymore. He didn't have anything to say to that. :-P
I then texted his friend who I know very well and told him that H would need to stay with him tonight and that I hoped that was okay. He said it was.
After it was done I no longer felt nervous. I felt empowered. I felt like I finally had cut the rope that ties me to his alcoholism. A weight was lifted. This really really surprised me because as I was doing it I felt super nervous.
I guess I'm posting because what I did tonight I feel was a big step for both H and myself. I gave him back the portion of accountability that I held for his alcoholism. I took it long ago and it wasn't mine to take. So it seemed like I should return it to its rightful owner. Now that he has full accountibility for his alcoholism I hope that he will be able to feel how heavy a load it really is. In time.
I'm really proud of myself. I just needed to share with someone.
Everything comes from within

#431928 - 04/21/13 01:23 PM Re: sticking to my guns [Re: HD001]
Candu Offline

Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
That's fantastic. Good for you.

#431956 - 04/21/13 07:00 PM Re: sticking to my guns [Re: HD001]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Hey HD,

What you did took not only courage, but self-respect and respect for your partner. Boundaries are kind of alien to CSA survivors, and definitely alien to alcoholics. Defining your boundaries and sticking to them is a HUGE step. Keep up the good work buddy. Err...sorry, I didn't realize you were female. No offense.


Edited by Jude (04/22/13 03:13 PM)
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#432004 - 04/22/13 01:35 AM Re: sticking to my guns [Re: HD001]
karin4him Offline

Registered: 03/18/12
Posts: 23
Loc: Illinois
My H is an alcoholic and a CSA survivor. I've been going to Al Anon and that really helps me keep things in perspective and is helping me heal. You've taken a huge step and I congratulate you! I also encourage you to consider Al Anon to help you.


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.