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#431919 - 04/21/13 02:46 AM Re: A 'Friend' [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3968
Loc: settling in the USA again
husky -

i don't know if it is DID or not - but your friend sounds wonderful - exactly the kind of friend i'd love to have. and no need to be afraid of him - because i think he is YOU.

it sounds to me like all the best attributes that you value and haven't been able to find in others - you are cultivating them in your self. it is a good thing if you think of it that way. you have probly seen the friend as a separate "person" because you haven't been able to accept yourself in such a positive light. but remember - you called him a "friend" - so believe that he is on your side!

Lee
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#431920 - 04/21/13 03:34 AM Re: A 'Friend' [Re: concerned_husky]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
I had an "alter" for many years. He was the good me. The one I let the world see. The smart, successful guy who always did the right thing.

Then there was the bad me. The one I kept hidden. The victim of sexual abuse. The lying, cheating, drunken, hypersexual, unfaithful, mentally ill, thief. The guy who only cared about himself, and lived in fear that he'd be found out and hated.

I tortured myself over which was the real me. My T tells me that both are me and I just have to integrate them together to make peace between them. Confusing.

Jude
_________________________
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

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#431947 - 04/21/13 01:42 PM Re: A 'Friend' [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/30/15 05:56 AM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

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#431960 - 04/21/13 03:20 PM Re: A 'Friend' [Re: concerned_husky]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 644
Loc: where the shadows lie
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
Quite happy to have him around smile

Husky


That's wonderful.
_________________________
I will always be your champion
I will always tear the monsters from you

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#432537 - 04/26/13 02:51 PM Re: A 'Friend' [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 502
Loc: NY
Hey, Husky.

I think it's interesting that you have this place to go to. Although I think it is a sign of health as well, in my case I have found it helpful to talk more in depth with someone about these kind of things.

Here's why: when I was in my late twenties, a voice started speaking to me. I took the voice to be that of a friend of mine who had died. I went to a psychic and it was all kind of downhill from there.

It has been many years since then, and now I realize that like Jacob said, it's more important to view the alter personality as a "symbol" of something. Yet finding out all of what it symbolizes can be difficult.

It has taken me a lot of work to put together what this dead friend meant to me and to work to understand the meaning of her life in my life. I had to go through so much difficulty and confusion for many years just to get to the place where I would make peace with the part of me that was "creating" her voice. There is a lot of pain in accepting what had come apart inside, but it is worth it to have more of me back in the driver's seat and have the peace of understanding myself better.

I also wanted you to know that I understand some of the pain around dependency. Although I am not actually dependent on my mother, it is definitely is something that comes up in our relationship. Some of it is in the past, but some of it is also in present family dynamics. While I understand your frustration in wanting your independence, I for one have found it helpful to get the entire picture--dependency and covert incest--before taking deliberate action to do anything on my own. The reason for this is that for us who have been in this kind of situation, the very thought of being independent can carry another negative connotation. In my case, it gives my mother one more reason to get turned on by me!!!!!! Yep, that's how it is. As awful as it sounds, I have found it helpful to go very slowly, step by step, so that I know what I am feeling at each point. That way I know more in my bones what it means to grow.

That's my two cents. Take it or leave it and I wish you the best in every case.

Focused
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#432663 - 04/27/13 06:59 PM Re: A 'Friend' [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/30/15 05:56 AM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

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#433137 - 05/01/13 09:08 AM Re: A 'Friend' [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 502
Loc: NY
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
There might be some sort of biological/genetic thing inside us that wants to love our parents unconditionally, but that I think also comes at the expense of emotional and mental health...recipes for a vicious cycle.


Husky:

Love that is unconditional is true love.

But unconditional does not mean annihilation of another. That is what I have finally admitted deep into my veins and bones. To look this kind of action in the face is to breathe into the hell of trauma and loss.

No mother wants their child to be damaged. But inadvertently they can set this into motion. I think it is loving to find a way back to zero, as the man leads the boy back to where he began and begins to undo the harm.

More like judo than karate....

Focused
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#433478 - 05/04/13 07:37 AM Re: A 'Friend' [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/30/15 05:56 AM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

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