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#431899 - 04/20/13 10:36 PM Told Mom and Dad..feel better
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1111
Loc: SE USA
.


Edited by Suwanee (02/26/16 10:47 AM)
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

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#431903 - 04/20/13 10:54 PM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 638
Loc: where the shadows lie
That's incredibly brave. I'm so glad it worked out. Once upon a time when I tried to tell my mother, she told me that no one ever did anything to me and I was just making it up as an excuse for my immaturity. That's how I always assume these kind of stories are going to end and I am so happy when I am wrong.
_________________________
I will always be your champion
I will always tear the monsters from you

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#431905 - 04/20/13 11:10 PM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 305
Loc: MO
Dear Suwanee,

Lord have mercy. Your disclosure was honest straightforward and cool. Their response was incredibly open and receptive. You are indeed fortunate. I believe they will not deny or attack you for your disclosure at the next discussion. That means they may actually be support.

Jacob and I had equally unsupportive responses. Although my mother did not deny it happened, she asked if I liked being penetrated and when I send no, it hurt, she said, then you're O K. My father said nothing.

My you continue to be blessed on your journey.

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#431907 - 04/20/13 11:16 PM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Will

Thanks for the update.

You did good! I am sure your parents are just as proud of you now as we are. You have overcome so much to be the man you are today. You should feel proud of your self.

It made me cry - both in a bad way and a good way. A bad way becuase of the reminder of what happened to you at 13 and in a good way because of the love and support from your parents.

It is to be expected that you felt so drained. Hell I am drained and I wasn't even there.

Take it easy for the next few days if you can.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#431910 - 04/21/13 12:19 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 927
Will,

I am so happy for you. KNEW you could do it. It does help to feel better. Not a "magic bullet" but if you're blessed with supportive parents.... there's nothing on which you need their support more than this.

You can take the "Part B" discussion as a given. Probably safe to assume they won't ask about forensic details, but there's a greater chance they will be concerned about your emotional state and how your therapy / recovery is proceeding.

The feeling of floaty exhaustion and being immersively distracted by all surrounding details is so, so true. After I told my parents, I couldn't drive for the rest of that day; I'm honestly surprised you were able to ride your bike home after. Talk about overachieving....

I remember that late last year, after you'd told your wife, you were mulling whether to tell your parents as well, feeling conflicted because you thought it would allow the perp to hurt 4 people instead of 2. But now I think you see it's the other way around - there's an extra 2 people who can help you heal, who can cheer you up and cheer you on.

So very, very glad you saw it through, my friend.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#431913 - 04/21/13 01:28 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 385
Loc: Midwest
Will
I'm proud of you for following through with your decision to tell your parents. I'm happy that they were supportive and that you feel a weight off your chest. May good things continue to come your way and I hope your parents really show their love for you.

DavO

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#431914 - 04/21/13 01:46 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
So happy for you, Will. Your dad and mom sound like wonderful, loving parents. The second conversation will certainly go as well as the first and as Matt said, "There's an extra 2 people who can help you heal, who can cheer you up and cheer you on." You go guy.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#431916 - 04/21/13 02:04 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3956
Loc: settling in the USA again
Will -

i'm proud of you.
i applaud you.
i admire you.
i envy you.

Lee
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#431924 - 04/21/13 08:19 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Congratulations Will. I admire you courage telling your parents and I am in awe of your perspective as you discussed how sometimes terrible things happen.

I hope you enjoy today. You deserve it.
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#431926 - 04/21/13 08:58 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
dumont Offline


Registered: 03/28/13
Posts: 34
Loc: No where
I am so touched by how brave and strong you are.
Thank you for sharing your story.
You make us stronger.
dumont

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#431929 - 04/21/13 09:28 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
BraveFalcon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1231
Loc: The ATL

Hi Will. Wow, that went about as well as it's possible for a disclosure to go. What a weight off your shoulders it must be.

Originally Posted By: Suwanee

1) It will never be mentioned again; or
2) They will have a "Part B" conversation with me at their convenience and after they have processed the news together.

I'm betting on the latter. I expect another talk within a week. My parents certainly like to prolong things...so I do come by it honestly.


Yeah that's that kicker isn't it? My mom had a "part B" conversation with me about a week after I told her in front of my T. It was equally as awkward and uncomfortable as the T session was and wound up mostly being her questioning if I was absolutely sure the CSA could have really happened or not. My dad also discussed it with me separately that week and was less denial ridden but the conversation was no less awkward and uncomfortable. It hasn't come up since then. I often wonder if it's as much of an elephant in the room for them as it is for me.

Good luck with your own "part b" conversation or with wherever this goes from here. The important thing is, it's out. After 27 years, it's out. The hard part is over. Congrats on this huge achievement and on taking this huge step. Take care buddy. Peace,

Ken

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#431930 - 04/21/13 09:30 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1111
Loc: SE USA
Matt, Lee, Ken, Jude, Still, Dave...and everybody else on MS...

Thank you for the encouragement before and after the talk with my parents. I don't usually take ADHD meds during the weekend. I did yesterday morning because it really--maybe above all else---helps me focus on conversations. Obviously I needed that yesterday.

You are correct about the odd, floaty feeling after telling after all those years. I managed to ride my bike without too much trouble. I had to physically work to get home, so that kept my mind engaged just enough.

My parents are supportive. I'm sure they have gone over yesterday's talk. I expect them to drop by sometime today...not to talk...but likely on a pretense just to see I am doing okay. Part B will come. I actually welcome it---because it does show that I have four people in my corner.

Will



Edited by Suwanee (04/21/13 09:32 AM)
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

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#431934 - 04/21/13 10:16 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1055
Will,

Congrats, brother. A big step and life moment for you. Your parents responded much better than mine did.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#431941 - 04/21/13 11:59 AM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Will -- I started tearing up reading your account. Oh, that I could have had a conversation like that with any of my parents.

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#431959 - 04/21/13 03:18 PM Re: Told Mom and Dad..feel better [Re: Suwanee]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3057
I cried when I read. You were strong and honest. You thought of your parents and their feelings. You put blame where it belonged on the abuser. I can only imagine your sense of relief to share with your parents. I do hope plan b is healing and helpful to you and your parents. Well done and your courage is an inspiration to us. Thank you for sharing.

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