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#431431 - 04/16/13 11:30 AM I can't accept myself
Magellan Offline

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1595
Loc: California
I wish I could come to a place of acceptance about my disabilities.

I wish I could accept these. I can't.

I'm severely hearing impaired and I was born with crossed eyes (lacking depth perception / double vision). As a result of these, I miss a ton of social cues. I was teased mercilessly for my disabilities. I was severely traumatized because of my disabilities.

Add to that the neglect and CSA.

I grew up resenting that I was born with disabilities. They caused the schoolyard bullying. They caused the isolation I experienced growing up. They caused my life to be tremendously difficult.

There are manytimes I actually have felt like I was born in and grew up in hell.

And I know its because I can't accept my disabilities, the pain and trauma they have caused me. I don't know how to accept these.

I've talked about this for over 18 years with therapists, and I'm no closer to learning how to love and accept these fucked up things about myself.

I've been asking for help with this for all of my fucking life. No help came.

#431458 - 04/16/13 04:04 PM Re: I can't accept myself [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1595
Loc: California
Perhaps this is why I am unlovable.

I'm disabled and angry about being disabled. What an ugly person I am. Of course no one wants to be around me.

Ugly ugly ugly.

#431463 - 04/16/13 04:59 PM Re: I can't accept myself [Re: Magellan]
toysoldier Offline

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 500
Loc: Texas
you have a beautiful soul and you are lovable !
I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders..

Bit by bit Torn apart We never win But the battle wages on
For toy soldiers!

#431500 - 04/16/13 10:50 PM Re: I can't accept myself [Re: Magellan]
csasurvivor1992 Offline

Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Magellan, I am so very sorry to read that you are down on yourself. I am sad and hurting for you, I cannot even put into words what I am feeling for you right now.

I cannot sympathize with the external struggles you deal with, but I can empathize. I can certainly sympathize with how the abuse fucks with your vision of yourself.

You are not alone. I feel the same way you do. For what it's worth, I missed social cues all the time and I am not cross-eyed. I still miss social cues.

Just know that you're not alone! You have people, brothers in this world. I'd reach through this screen and hug you right now if I could!

Hang in there brother.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

#431508 - 04/16/13 11:23 PM Re: I can't accept myself [Re: Magellan]
DavoSwim Offline

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 388
Loc: Midwest
I hope that you are able to love yourself. Your life has meaning. Your life shows that beauty can spring from the most uncommon circumstances. I hope you can see the truth of your life which is you are valuable and you make the world better. I urge you to seek assistance in whatever way necessary so that you can appreciate yourself. Good luck to you man.



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