Magellan, I am so very sorry to read that you are down on yourself. I am sad and hurting for you, I cannot even put into words what I am feeling for you right now.
I cannot sympathize with the external struggles you deal with, but I can empathize. I can certainly sympathize with how the abuse fucks with your vision of yourself.
You are not alone. I feel the same way you do. For what it's worth, I missed social cues all the time and I am not cross-eyed. I still miss social cues.
Just know that you're not alone! You have people, brothers in this world. I'd reach through this screen and hug you right now if I could!
Hang in there brother.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.