I always assumed that the good guys wouldn't want me as a friend so I never got close enough to be accepted - because then I couldn't get hurt by being dumped or rejected. the bad guys were the ones I was afraid of so I avoided them, too. the only friends I had growing up were the fellow rejects and outcasts and there wasn't much we could offer each other except our shared misery. that was until I was out of high school.
in college - it was different - nobody knew I was "supposed" to be the scapegoat - so I got a new start - but by then I was so wary of other people that I didn't really know how to be a friend. i was surface friends with lots of people - but not really close to any. a well-known loner.
I guess I can't answer your question beyond this -
in order to have a good solid friendship I *think* you have to respect yourself more - so that you don't sabotage yourself and the friendship. can't be too dependent and desperate because that scares people away. can't be too cool and distant and passive - cause that makes them think you don't care. just my observations of others...
keep at it, Luke - you'll learn as you go and eventually get it right. it is better than staying lonely.
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....