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#430615 - 04/09/13 07:37 AM #2 Can't Think of a Title
lukedamien Offline

Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 68
I think maybe I was a little overdramatic about this whole thing. The may reason I felt apprehensive was because I saw him drive by a total new house I am in now. He saw me and waved and stopped to ask me if I wanted a ride to work yesterday. I was nervous because I didn't like the fact that he knew where I lived again. Nor did I like him happening to pass my my new house just like that. But it's a city to freely drive pretty much wherever you want.

I didn't want the ride. But he really seems interested in me for more than just sex. That's what I crave. I think my apprehension is mainly cause I don't feel I deserve to be wanted for more that just sex. I'm not gonna lie though. I did get the ride to work yesterday. I work in a resturant. I usually take the rides but sometimes I turn them down.

He is charming though. Like the nice kinda guy a mother would love for her child to marry. I do like him. I just wanna take it slow and he seems to understand and respect that. I do feel awful even bringing this whole thing on here. The more I think about it the more embarrassed I feel for even bringing it up. Thanks to everyone who replied in the first one though. I do think the dominance in bed was just a misunderstanding. But I will be aware of any more strange things

thanks to all

#430620 - 04/09/13 11:50 AM . [Re: lukedamien]
Life's A Dream Offline

Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island

Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 12:39 AM)

#430626 - 04/09/13 12:55 PM Re: #2 Can't Think of a Title [Re: lukedamien]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3866
Loc: South-East Europe
Dear Luke,
don't be hard on yourself because you didn't feel sure and because you brought this issue here.

Firstly I'm a little bit concerned that you played in park and meet guy there in bathroom. It reminds me on many cruising scenes and I would recommend to be much more aware and sensitive when being in such environment, who knows what kind of people could visit that place.
We survivors of CSA because of our vulnerabilities are many times easy targets under some conditions. You could read here that many of us are avoiding public locker rooms, bathrooms and similar places because of that.
Also it gives me some questions what that guy was doing there, has he showed by accident, has he been visiting place occasionally and in search for what?
Also if he was there in search for some sex I wonder has he been survivor and now is acting out, did you two have had safe sex or not and similar?
Circumstances that you described gave me a lot to think.

You said that you could overreacting, it could be the true. Don't feel embarrassed because we are talking about it. It is good to hear other opinions, to take some time and think more about it. There is nothing wrong in this you could just broaden your opinion and experience as CSA survivor. It is amazing how many things with us survivors are preconditioned with our terrible past, that is the reason why we have to open wide our eyes. We are here to learn about it and to take control over our lives in way that the best suite us, not others, not some good looking guy over there who demand something from us...

In any case this is good opportunity to tell you to be more careful next time with whom you are giving your personal data and with whom you are dealing and talking about sexual matters (also wedding ring and being cop is not any kind of assurance that such person could be the safest for CSA survivor).

It is great that you came hare as there are a lot similar stories and there is a lot do to for homework, lol.
We all have problems with sharing intimacy and setting our borders. For example many survivors are not sure is some relationship sexual or not, are some touches good or not, how to say someone to stop/no and many many more. You raised such questions in your two posts and I'm encouraging you to find your own answers regardless original story. It is too important to all of us to find such answers to be able to live fulfilled lives and to give self support in moments when it is needed.

Keep sharing with us!

My story


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