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#430519 - 04/08/13 05:12 PM MIND ISSUES - Part Two
overcomer4life Offline

Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
I am cracking up with laughter to keep from getting mad.

In a conversation with my mom last night, she was REALLY trying to figure out "what it would take to make me heal from this".

Here is the comment that got me .... BRACE YOURSELF!

"I guess it would have been easier if you had gotten an apology letter from your uncle like the one your sister got. She says it really helped her to move on and let go."


When I asked "what letter", mama said "maybe I shouldn't have told you that..."

Yep....laughing the day away. Woo-sah.

#430527 - 04/08/13 06:36 PM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
lapchinj Offline

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1485
Loc: New York
Hey 4life,

My parents don't know of my 9 years of abuse but both my father and mother suck and my mother is the bitch of the family. I am an only child so my mother could not say something like that but you would always use the same tactic that yours did to you to just upset me. She would say something and then back off by saying maybe I shouldn't have told you that. It's easier than physically slapping you in the face. Not only that she would always say something embarrassing and in front of people or within earshot of them. And when I would make a remark she would apologize to me but she already told everyone in the room so the I'm sorry shit really doesn't work.

Sound like she doesn't give 2 shits about you and your issues. She is using the abuse by your uncle to get her jollies.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

#430528 - 04/08/13 06:46 PM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
Farmer Boy Offline

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia

Overcomer I am so sorry. You deserved better then and you deserve better now.

I'm sorry but I'm not laughing.

I guess it highlights the way society still doesn't accept that this stuff can happen to boys and affect them as much as girls.

Boys will be boys.... (NOT)

Take care of yourself man.

More than meets the eye!

#430535 - 04/08/13 07:53 PM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline

Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Thanks. This twist of events just confirms my decision to not go to the funeral. I'd rather not be around any of that.

Now what I'll do in the midst????? Well, that we'll have to think about really hard...because if I said that there was no void for some level of affection, I'd be lying through my teeth. I withheld this weekend...not sure how much longer I can or will. We'll see.

#430559 - 04/08/13 11:52 PM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 03:44 AM)

#430575 - 04/09/13 02:07 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
csasurvivor1992 Offline

Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Overcomer, I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing that kind of response. It's sad. I understand your need to suppress anger with laughter as you are in disbelief.

Thank you for sharing this. It helps puts my own family's messed up response in context. My mom and sister still talk to the asshole who abused me. I'm like, seriously?! My sister lets him around her kids!

I'm fully invested in therapy and recovery. I'm telling people at work, my friends, and now I want to tell my family. All I get in response is, no. You'll hurt them, they're dealing with their own stuff. REALLY NOW?! I DON'T GIVE TWO FLYING FUCKS! It's time for ME to get some damn love. I didn't ask for this and it is not ME bringing them anything. There is blame to be had, but it's not mine.

My T explained to me cognitive distortions... I am altering their firmly held beliefs. They may think one thing about my abuser and I am turning it on its head. Same thing with my family.

It's sad, but the people in our lives, especially those closest to us and those who hurt us, just don't have enough experience, context, or understanding to help us through this. Compassion only goes so far. I've learned to temper what I can expect from them. It has helped me tremendously.

I still ask if my mom is ready to tell family yet or if she's working on it... she's working on it, still. But I am not relenting. There is a balance and I am working on it.
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

#430590 - 04/09/13 05:06 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: overcomer4life]
genedebs Offline

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 378
Loc: MO
Dear 4Life

I am sorry for you loss and continued betrayal by your mother. I do not know how important family is in your life. If it isn't a big deal, then the suggestion by bodyguard to get what you need elsewhere is excellent.

If family is important I will share with you what my rabbi said.

"To care for them as they never cared for you is the highest form of revenge, and a mitzvot (a good and Godly act) to boot.

It is a horror, that we live where there is constant betrayal and violations. And then, we are confronted with expectations of "get over it." So they can absolve themselves.

#430600 - 04/09/13 05:48 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: csasurvivor1992]
overcomer4life Offline

Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
LOL! Thanks!!! You reached right into my brain and pulled out words that I wouldn't have been strong enough to say!!! WHO GIVES TWO FLYING....YES!!!! That's exactly how I feel about trying to make someone else feel "at ease" while I live in emotional hell and turmoil. YOU HIT IT ON THE HEAD!!!!

Whew....thanks! I needed that!

Edited by overcomer4life (04/10/13 03:55 PM)

#430601 - 04/09/13 05:52 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: genedebs]
overcomer4life Offline

Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
The "nice dude" in me believes strongly in "loving the HELL out of people by doing what they would never expect".

In THIS case (going to the funeral and being in the same room with my first 3 pervs)...hmmmmm....I think that one surpasses my threshold. LOL! Not ready to do that just yet.

The entire situation is funny to me because I've been the PERFECT employee at work. One person at my job (who is also a close friend) knows what's going on and he told me " are GOOD" because with all I'm going through emotionally, it does not show ONE BIT!

I should be in Hollywood.

#430602 - 04/09/13 05:54 AM Re: MIND ISSUES - Part Two [Re: bodyguard8367]
overcomer4life Offline

Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Geoff where have you been all of my life? LOL! Are you my T and maybe we just don't know it yet???

You have a way of saying things that really gets through to me. I appreciate you.

"A choice rather than a necessity..." YOU SAID A MOUTHFUL! Thanks!

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