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#430552 - 04/08/13 07:11 PM the cat didn't want to listen
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
For me, its that throw away, usable, disposable always available piece of nice looking "whatever". I thought I had learned to listen to my instincts when the "thing" happened to me a few years ago, but evidently I was wrong. Anyway, I became a throw away friend last night, a convenience... usable, disposable, a consolation prize... (btw... had nothing to do with SEX... ). Just being lied too, stood up on a meeting, having my name used to clear another's situation when I wasn't involved or around... you got it... lol... high school shytt.

Story goes like this...., "Well, you see, b, my friend, is an alcoholic with issues who needed ..." That's me. "b" is me. I am the alcoholic with issues.

Do I have issues? Fuck yeah. If it weren't for daily life just being daily life, I would have issues. Who doesn't?

Add to that being sexually sodomized and raped multiple times as a kid, raising a family- both of whom grad from college- stress...stress...stress, being the care-giver for a now deceased spouse, and being friggin sexually traumatized raped whatever again as a grown man... well, I ain't as fucked up as most people I know nor as I have the right to be. I still get up in the morning and stand tall. I may tear up a few times during the day, but I still stand tall.

Am I am alcoholic? Nope. Do I over indulge in alcoholic consumption, at times. Do I need it every day, every week, nope. Before the past winter when I began to face my pain and grief, too much. Now, not so much.

Sort of angry about it all. Not sort of, I am.

I'm just sharing this... the damn cat didn't want to listen. And my heart hurts just a tad bit.

And it prob rambled... oops. but, hey, I have issues.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#430553 - 04/08/13 07:16 PM Re: the cat didn't want to listen [Re: ThisMan]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3956
Loc: settling in the USA again
b -

i hear you. it's OK to vent. we all need that.
any time you need a substitute for the cat - you know where to find me/us.

lee
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#430557 - 04/08/13 07:46 PM Re: the cat didn't want to listen [Re: ThisMan]
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Glad to hear you vent like that. Makes me feel better to know others have that need.

Hope it gets better
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#430571 - 04/08/13 09:34 PM Re: the cat didn't want to listen [Re: ThisMan]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
Lee, c-sur, thanks. Its already better. Actually, showing some venting somewhere is a tremendous stride forward. The T says I need to own the anger so its a new skill I am mastering. Now if I could just get the cat to come back downstairs I would be all better.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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