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#430340 - 04/06/13 04:04 PM Am I *ever* going to 'meet someone'?
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1598
Loc: California
41 years old. Fourty fucking one years old.

I've yet to experience a bonafide romance in my life.

Yet another person I know has told me they "met someone!" in excitement.

I've never had this experience. I've never had a blossoming romance. I've never connected with someone on this intimate level.

Never experienced that awesome intensity of intimate love making and the rewarding afterglow / cuddling / snuggling. Never.

Will I *ever* get to have this experience, or will I spend the rest of my lonely days on this planet wandering about aimlessly always trying to substitute this missing connection with other things, like I've done these past 41 years with disappointment?

I'm so tired of hearing it from all the people I know meeting people in excitement and having dating and romance experiences and I am always left behind.

sigh. this fucking sucks.

#430342 - 04/06/13 04:18 PM Re: Am I *ever* going to 'meet someone'? [Re: Magellan]
dumont Offline

Registered: 03/28/13
Posts: 34
Loc: No where
Dear Megellan,

I really hope you do find that one person you want. I was told once that love is all around us; we just have to find our way of tapping into it. I don't know if that's true or not, I really don't know much actually.
I just want to wish you all the love and happiness this life has.
If I could I would invite you to my table and share my sandwich with you.
In searching solidarity,

#430355 - 04/06/13 07:38 PM Re: Am I *ever* going to 'meet someone'? [Re: Magellan]
DavoSwim Offline

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 397
Loc: Midwest

I hear you loud and clear. I often feel the same way. Good luck to you and if you meet someone, please tell me how you did it. Whatever I'm doing isn't working.


#430356 - 04/06/13 07:50 PM Re: Am I *ever* going to 'meet someone'? [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1598
Loc: California
fuck if I know, DavO.

Some of the most dysfunctional people I've ever known are meeting people and falling in love, and yet I'm not.

I must be severely deficient in some human co-efficient or something because I'm completely baffled as to why this has turned out this way for me.

I've never had a chance. Never came close.

I don't know why I even desire this anymore. The older I get, the more I realize how lacking I am in social skills. Between my severe hearing loss, and severe childhood neglect, I am amazed at how little I know about how to be sociable.

I'm missing out on all the best things that life has to offer. I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS!!!

#430358 - 04/06/13 09:27 PM Re: Am I *ever* going to 'meet someone'? [Re: Magellan]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1070

You are not alone in this. I am 36 and right there with you.

I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But I won't let sorrow get me way down.

#430444 - 04/08/13 12:46 AM Re: Am I *ever* going to 'meet someone'? [Re: Magellan]
Suwanee Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1339

I truly don't have he cipher to this puzzle. Some of the most Intersting people I've ever met are lone wolves. I don't always know if this is by choice or by fate. Regardless, it is one component out of many that constitute a person.

Since this is an area of your life you want to add to, I sincerely hope you find it...though more likely, it will find you.

All the best.

I've got this life
And the will to show
I will always be
Better than before

#430478 - 04/08/13 07:18 AM Re: Am I *ever* going to 'meet someone'? [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2712
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Magellan.

to be honestt, my simple answer is no. I'm thirty and haven't had any of those experiences, indeed the only time I've ever been intimate with a girl was during my abuse.

However, there is a getout. You cannot change society, sterriotypes or any of this dating crap, you can however change yourself. For me, I devote all that need into music, into giving something I love to the audience. i practice on my voice an hour a day, I lift weights and run, I learn music by ear.

Heck, in a recent exam my highest mark was for dramatic presentation and the examiner commented she'd never seen anyone quite as involved with performing.

that is my answer, devoting my life to something I love and giving it to others.yes, I fall in love still (I did this last november), and yes, it will continue not to work, but so long as I have other passions in my life, the more energy I put into them, the less I feel an ache for that sort of intimacy and communication.

It's a matter of self protection, but I do have to say the more I engage with it, the more it works. Back when I was performing music purely as a hobby, I was often hurt by the need for intimacy and finding someone, but the more I have to work on music, the harder I have to practice and the more opportunities to perform I get, the better.

#430480 - 04/08/13 07:25 AM Re: Am I *ever* going to 'meet someone'? [Re: Magellan]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3864
Loc: South-East Europe
I'm sure that many of us have more struggles with our negative self image than with finding interesting persons.
Somehow many times focus is on own issues, own struggles, own weakness- seeing it like that I don't have time nor will to step outside and reach for someone. It is actually like I'm on purposely wasting my time and opportunities.
It is very difficult task to step out of comfort zone for some of us but that is the only way to get trough and to gain some growth.
My story

#430481 - 04/08/13 07:43 AM Re: Am I *ever* going to 'meet someone'? [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2712
Loc: durham, north england
The problem pero, is it's too easy to blame ourselves and to assume that because we! are responsable we have power to change the situation.

It takes two to tango, and the blunt and honest truth is at least with my experience, is that whatever I do with myself, nobody else ever wants to. This is because of that good old sterriotype that says women don't ask men out, but however perceptive I am, however many girls I meet (and believe me I meet a lot), however much i'm friends with them, nothing ever happens.

I have tried, I have been on dating sites, I have read information, I've tried to be as receptive as I can to others emotions, I've talked to female friends, I've had female friends round for coffee or been "out" more times than I can count. Heck, in the recent production I was in I ever hugged a lot of the female (and male), members of the cast. On one occasion i even had a girl, who was petrified at getting her part wrong literally and physically hang on to me for five minutes for reassurance, never mind that she had a bf who wasn't actually being too supportive at that point. i've even been told "you'd make a great bf" more times than I can count, I was even told by one girl during this current production "you give really nice hugs" which seemed like it was crossing a line to me.

ultimately however, nothing happened, just as nothing ever happens. When i question people they just talk about "natural signals" well these are obviously so naturally I'd need a microscope to see them.

So this is why I have pretty much decided on the route of self protection, which has been surprisingly successful of late.

i don't say this to try and undermine anyone, but I know it is far too easy to blame ourselves, to assume that we are too uggly, too worthless, too disgusting for relationships. Well, I know those assumptions are false, even if I still feel them, and I don't act on them, yet still nothing, therefore, we! are not to blaime.

If anyone is to blaime it's our various abusers who screwed up our original developement, but short of some literal reprogramming there really isn't a way around this other than the one I've outlined, that of complete and total devotion to something which is! within our control, to a love we can! attain, without being reliant upon society's stupid sterriotypes or the implicite sexism in the mysterious dating process.

So, sod the hole thing, give me music instead!


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