child-porn (IN LIVING COLOR) runs through my head no matter who i'm with.
Am I alone in this?
I wish I wasn't part of this club. But I am. It doesn't happen all the time for me and happens less lately thankfully.
For me my training was mostly oral so for me sex has always been about giving an orgasm not getting one. Although I do remember having orgasms before puberty.
The porno mags when I was a kid were all hard core straight adult but I was ALWAYS made to play the female role - they were the play-books. I thought my training was 'strong' but was no where near as strong as yours.
Man I am sorry you had to go through that!!!
I have realised recently how disconnected I was during sex with my wife ..... I was 'working' not making love. I did not care if I orgasmed other than it made her feel bad if I didn't. However I was with it was all about them. ALL! I would become whatever the wanted .... do whatever they wanted.
For me when the 'highlights reel' starts playing I loose my boner. No matter how into the person I am physically with - male or female. It is so humiliating and I can't 'fake' my way through it. Yet when I'm not having sex and the memories come I get arroused???? I hate most of all that it affects sexually this way!!!! I thought sex for me was ruined forever. But over the last few months I have been able to connect with my wife 'fully'.
I have hope. For me - for all of us.