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#430399 - 04/07/13 06:20 AM Re: New Register [Re: lukedamien]
Metolius Offline

Registered: 02/09/12
Posts: 41
Loc: Oregon
Hi Luke.


My initial reaction to reading your story was strong, and for a moment I could only imagine composing a profanity-laced message expressing my rage for the horrors you have lived through.

Instead, let me just say congratulations for developing some keen survivor instincts to have arrived at this point in your life. Congratulations on reaching out for help with your addictions and for daring to trust a couple helpful souls who have recently appeared in your life.

I hope you find a sense of belonging here on this website and in the recovery communities in which you are finding support.

#430404 - 04/07/13 08:30 AM Re: New Register [Re: Metolius]
lukedamien Offline

Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 68
Thank you. The things everyone says to me on here are so kind and helpful to me. I'm starting to feel like I don't deserve it. Like I blow it all out of proportion. I hope what brought you here is getting better for you too. I hope what brought every dude here is getting better for them. I don't really know too much of anything anyone has been through. I'm too scared to read through the details of it. I watched the movie about the Wallflower about a month ago on cable. I didn't even know it dealt with csa. The description was vaguely written. I only thought some actors were good-looking in it. With the story as a whole I was beside myself with emotions. I was also scared to sleep, especially alone that night. I kinda feel that reading the details on here will be the same. That was a fictional story line. This is actual reality. Maybe I'm still not really ready to deal with all of this yet.

I do feel like a coward for it. But I can't help myself. I learn not to wallow in self pity. That's bad to do. I hope I don't seem ungrateful or anything. It's just that I feel like I'm making my life seem more messed up than it was. I've been raised to believe that no matter what's happening. It could always be worst. So I pretty much believe that things the other dudes went through were way worse than me. I hope my writing earlier didn't make me sound like I'm trying to be in a pity party. And I hope this one doesn't either. I know I can't cry over spilled milk. So I will try not to get in a pity party anymore when I write. Guess just dealing with it again after so long make it really come back alive. That's the reason I sounded so emotional. Feeling a little better today.


#430449 - 04/08/13 03:07 AM Re: New Register [Re: lukedamien]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Hey Luke

It's good to see you posting and sharing your journey - I am especially glad that you have found support in AA to find tools that help you live a better life and have a positive healthy relationships-

Without sobriety, sponsorship and the steps I don't think I could have faced
My abuse honestly and started to untangle how messed up my thinking, my self-esteem and my sexuality had become.

Learn to be gentle and to take care of yourself in positive healthy ways-I know it's a challenge for those of us who come from messed up backgrounds- but we are proof that progress is possible!

We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#430469 - 04/08/13 06:50 AM Re: New Register [Re: Mountainous Buck]
lukedamien Offline

Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 68
Thank you

#430856 - 04/11/13 12:24 PM Re: New Register [Re: lukedamien]
lapchinj Offline

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1485
Loc: New York
Hey Luke,

Like cant mentioned you have had a pretty shitty past but a bright future and I think that you will do well here. I know a little about johns and being sold but I'm lucky that my mother wasn't a druggy but I more or less had to leave at 12 years old.

I just want to say welcome to the best place on earth to get your head together and your past behind you. You seem to be young enough to want to succeed in recovery and have some peace in your life.

With a little effort, determination, luck and some magic you will do fine.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Stick around, It will get better....🌹🌹🌹

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