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#430210 - 04/05/13 05:03 PM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
So sorry man.

If mom and grandma choose to manipulate you by withholding their love and support after YOU HAVE LOST a grandmother... it tells us all we need to know... its selfish and mean spirited. And you are 40, whats next... withholding dessert?

If the paternal grandmother called you a liar on multiple occasions- or even just once- and failed to apologize.... well, see ya, granny. Thats just unacceptable.

And there's nothing like having Jesus thrown into the argument to confirm how wrong you are for taking care of you.... NOT.

I support your decision not to attend, I applaud your effort to break this cycle of dysfunction, and I am so sorry your sister was manipulated into trying to coerce you into attending. The pain and confusion must be intense, especially if you are trying to also do your work. Hang in there man. I/we totally understand.

Be careful, its dangerous out there to get anonymous hugs in the real world. I know from experience. Notice the line of supporters gathering behind Geoff and the others. Count my hugs- good, honest, healthy ones- as being there.


My condolences and take care of you.
(and forgive my sarcastic nature, I try hard to keep it under control but I am upset for you.)
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#430225 - 04/05/13 06:33 PM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline

Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Much appreciated. Thanks!

Believe it or not, the virtual hugs here have kept me (so far) from sending a text message...or two...or three. LOL!!!!

#430310 - 04/06/13 07:41 AM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Hey Overcomer,

My parents were not my perps, but they were alcoholics and their neglect certainly set me up for CSA. Moreover, my father was emotionally abusive, constantly critical, and unable to make any positive statement to anybody. He didn't come to my high school or college graduations. Didn't come to my wedding. Never met most of my children. Still I held out the vain hope that someday he would love me, affirm me, see value in me. Never happened.

Then one day he sent an extremely insulting letter to my wife, of course as a way to get at me. Suddenly it dawned on me. "He's never going to change, never going to love me." And "Where does it say I have to keep taking this crap?" I decided then and there I didn't need or deserve any more of his abuse, and cut off all contact. He died last year a bitter old man, and I felt no guilt.

I share this with you because you have the right and the freedom to cut off anybody who has been sexually, physically, or emotionally abusive toward you, even if they are family. You have no obligation to be present at any gathering with the people who sexually abused you, or those who defended them and blamed you. Anybody got a problem with that? Its their problem, not yours.

We all have a hard time putting ourselves first, maybe because our CSA experiences taught us that we just don't matter. ENOUGH! Do what you need to to preserve your emotional well being. Put yourself first.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#430312 - 04/06/13 07:52 AM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
lukedamien Offline

Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 68
Sometimes I think I don't know how to put my real feelings together to make people understand. But what you said here is what I feel inside. Nothing like a man holding me tightly. Not sex. Just that tight hold when I'd love to merge in his skin and never leave. The family and religion stuff too. What's wrong with humanity?

#430316 - 04/06/13 10:17 AM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
Farmer Boy Offline

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia

Sorry I've come into this discussion so late. Man can I relate - my story is totally different yet similar.

I was a graphic designer full time before becoming a farmer - now I do some freelance work as all designers seem to do. So I am the 'designer in the family'. A few years back my dad's twin brother died. He was a cranky old bachelor who used to follow my dad's lead at calling me 'Leanne' and 'stupid F#cking C#nt' but somehow I thought it was just his way and I kind of gave him some cheek back. I kind of thought of it as banter - but I was wrong. My dad also started calling me a faggot after I told on my oldest brother.

When I heard I dropped everything and drove 3 hours home to do into damage control (destroy any incriminating evidence - porn etc that a old single guy might have). In the process I found his will. He was a VERY rich man. He left EVERYTHING to my two brothers who had sexually abused me and I got nothing. I was the one who was looking out for him. Of course I HAD to design the Order of Service to keep up appearances. I decided I was going to be the 'better man' and I made it the best god damn order of service the world had seen (just to spite him), and I had to write the eulogy too for crap sake and stand there with my two brothers (who had both 'got to me' before I was 5) to deliver it. I was the backbone of the family and I was dying inside. My uncle must have really hated me.

I have regretted it ever since.

You ARE doing the right thing!!!

You have my support!!! 150%

MAN do I understand the 'chronic' phase of the need for male affection. I saw one of my brothers last weekend - it was 'fine' but now I REALLY feel the need for male affection of any kind....CHRONICALLY. I KNOW I am strong enough to resist the urge to act out. I am winning the fight!!!

Sorry for the crap all about me - hope it is somewhat relevant.

Here is a hug from me too. ((((((((((((((O4L))))))))))))))))

I understand.

More than meets the eye!

#430518 - 04/08/13 05:07 PM Re: ISSUES OF THE MIND....Whoa. [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline

Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Thank you both!!!!!! You have no idea how much it means. I appreciate knowing that someone else feels like I feel and is not trying to PUSH me to be somewhere I really don't want to be.

I am so sick and tired of being told that I am wrong or that I don't know Jesus because I don't want to go and sit in the same room with the uncle who "got me", the cousin who relieved himself in my ear when he was finished, or the other cousin who peed in my mouth and thought it was funny.

How anyone could expect such is beyond me....

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