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#429336 - 03/28/13 02:44 AM Could Very Well Be Triggering
Sterling Offline

Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1954
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
Last night i asked a chick out. She is seeing someone.
But it felt good to ask anyway.

today i go to a mall w/ my parents and suddenly i find myself
looking at mens parts.
conversatiions developed fast " you fag , we see you , we know
you are looking at guys."

this wasnt too bad ' as i was much more schixoaffective years
ago ; my thoughts and feelings are more connected now.


a guy was right infront of me " ohh yeah goran ,keep checking
him out he is hot!!! "

so i went to go get the car , when i left the mall alone the
tough talk to force to convince me to check out guys
( another ongoing dialogue that i am a gay continues to struggle to fight to stay straight!) slowly dissapated...
and then when getting the car i was like
" this is fucked up! how am i gonna get thru this?
When i arrived w/ my folks at their place after preparing
dinner i promised myself to do three things.
My dad asked me to do something for him on the computer.
I hesitiated ...b/c of these damn voices to act-out.
After doing my father the favour ..he left the room and
i knew i was in for a ver up hill battle.

I fucked lost .. anyway ... i got a alot to do...
i am pissed off!

love ya

#429364 - 03/28/13 11:04 AM Re: Could Very Well Be Triggering [Re: Sterling]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3866
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey man, good to see you!
What did I hear you asked girl to go out?
Wow man it took a lot of courage to do that wink
We have to step out of our comfort zone and to ask and reach for others, only by doing so our confidence will grow, you did great job wink

I've read other part of your post and I can only add that we all are tempted many times. Sometimes we have more strength and sometimes we are more prone to challenges.

In similar situations I'm trying to imagine hugging my self and saying: you are good, you can do it, hold on or similar positive ans supportive words. And you many times I succeed.

So please keep fighting my dear brave survivor!

(((Goran))) wink
My story

#429573 - 03/30/13 04:55 PM Re: Could Very Well Be Triggering [Re: peroperic2009]
Sterling Offline

Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1954
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
thankyou Pero. It took a while to get
to my dad's computer.
It is always nice to get support , no
matter how hard it is to hear what
struggles a person is going thru! smile

Happy Easter everyone!



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