I'm watching Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday" right now and she's interviewing Dr. Brene Brown. Today's topic - SHAME.
Brene just made a few statements that startled me and made me realize something about my loneliness and constantly complaining that I have no connection to people.
She made it clear that SHAME causes us to shut off and isolate. We also start berating ourselves and speaking very poorly of ourselves in our head (inner critic). And when we do that, we can't feel connected to others.
This seems to be connecting dots that I've found over the years - that the source of my depression is loneliness and the source of my loneliness is the inability to feel connected to others.
She connected the last piece - the internalized SHAME I have inside of myself (where I believe I'm worthless, or retarded, or autistic, or unlovable) IS what is causing me to feel disconnected from others.
All I have to do is alleviate the internalized shame, and connectedness will emerge naturally of its own accord.
We are human beings, we are built to connect to each other, and it is SHAME that destroys that ability.
Connection is created when people see, hear, and value each other without judgment. When SHAME is present, there is judgment.
It really does begin with self compassion and self love.
The cure to shame is 2 fold - TALK about it with someone who has earned the right to hear you, and practice SELF COMPASSION.
I've found how to practice self compassion by practicing the loving kindness meditation.