I think recovery comes in quantum leaps. There doesn't seem to be any progress until you are able to step back, as you do here, and reflect on where you started and where you are now.
I think uneven progress is the name of the game, especially since there is no road map for recovery and we are all basically groping around in the dark looking for the lost pieces of ourselves with little to no help from anyone else.
As for your fear response, it seems like a good candidate for EMDR work. If you haven't talked with your T about EMDR, maybe now is the right time.
But he grew old, this knight so bold / And upon his heart a shadow / Fell as he found / No spot on the ground / That looked like El Dorado.