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#428500 - 03/20/13 12:50 PM Re: What if you knew long ago? [Re: mkn10]
Candu Offline

Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
He may or may not be able to deal with his issues yet. But you going back to him will only confuse him more. I know that it is hard but I think you should stay away from him. While you care for him I don't think you are the best person to help him at this point.

Rarely do we ever get help. Only when we hit bottom. You making things easier may not be helping in the long run. The only reason I'm here was because things were so messed up I had to do something about it. Until it got so bad I would just live with it.

#428560 - 03/21/13 04:07 AM Re: What if you knew long ago? [Re: mkn10]
mkn10 Offline

Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 27
I hear what everyone is saying.

Edited by mkn10 (07/14/13 04:30 AM)

#428622 - 03/21/13 08:55 PM Re: What if you knew long ago? [Re: mkn10]
lucylives Offline

Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
MKN, you may never get closure. Accept that. He sounds very sick and scary. I think you can only get closure in the way you are looking for from a healthy and kind man. Your ex is neither of these things from wht I have read.

Recovery has been very very difficult. My husband did some horrific things before he got help but NEVER did he verbally abuse me or threaten me.

Would I have married him had I known all the acting out behaviours? No, I would have left but I was not privy to any info before marriage and then like others have stated, you have children together, family together, mortgage and such. You are so much more tied together when you are married.

Had my husband not sought help, I would have left. It would have been suicide to stay.

Please be careful. He sounds really scary and crazy and may snap.

#428638 - 03/22/13 12:31 AM Re: What if you knew long ago? [Re: mkn10]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 02:40 AM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

#428752 - 03/23/13 01:24 AM Re: What if you knew long ago? [Re: mkn10]
Taurus Offline

Registered: 12/01/11
Posts: 13
Originally Posted By: mkn10

I hear what everyone is saying, believe me I do. I am just so confused, not about whether to go back to him, because I will NOT do that, but just confused about making sense of the last 3 years of my life. I think I desperately need closure, and he takes away that opportnuity from me, again and again. We haven't even disgussed my leaving AT ALL.

When my family came to get me from his house, I said goodbye to him very briefly and I was a crying mess. He was laying there and trying to hold back tears. I really don't know whether he wanted this or not. And the night before, he told me that he loved me. I didn't even say it first or anything, and I truly felt it was real then, like in that moment just before he said it I knew he was going to say it cos I could feel it. I'm sorry but I just need to let this all out.

The person I met 3 years ago is only there maybe 5% of the time and then the other facade takes over. I thought he might be hurt over what happened or sad that I left but I saw that he uploaded a picture of himself smiling on facebook merely days later. How can one person be so void of feelings? Can anyone answer that?

Yes Candu I agree, it is easier for him to just live with it, rather than taking that scary step to seek help. It must be a very horrifying concept to let others see your emotions and be vulnerable, I can't even imagine. That is why I feel like he wants me gone. He said that he just wanted to start "clean", almost like I am now tainted by what I know. I am a part of all the darkness, so I need to be put away with all the other secrets. But I did not cause the darkness, and getting rid of me surely cannot be the answer to his quest for happiness.

What does hitting rock bottom even entail? Hurting someone you say you love, does that cut it? Or having their family turn up to get them away from you? Would I need to contract HIV for him to give a stuff????

He said that for the two weeks without me, things were easier because he didn't have to deal with emotions. Is that even a life?

My mum screamed at him that "she loves you more than life itself and you know that, and you have her under your total control". And when my mum lifted the pillow that he was hiding his face with, she said she saw a little boy there.

And Candu you say I am not the best person to help him at this point - you are right. But who will then? All his mates who think he is Mr popular and that he doesn't have a care in the world? His family who don't give a s**t. Who will fight for him? I fought, I fought so hard, and I failed.

It does not matter how many times ppl tell you that you cannot save someone, you try ANYWAY, in vain, because you cannot give up hope.....hope for LOVE TO WIN.

ok rant over.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am typing up a lengthy description of what happened with my husband and myself to post on here. I don't even have any contact with my husband anymore because he thinks I'm crazy, but I still hold hope that something will give. He was sexually abused a a young boy and I never found out until 2.5 months after I had to leave because I felt my safety was in danger.

You don't know how many points you made that I can relate to.

If I had known long before, I would have had so much more knowledge than when I left. When I left, I thought it was only temporary and I could get support from his family, but it didn't work out that way.

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