And, sorry, but I agree with the other replies, it is very likely related to your abuse history. It's frustrating how many ways childhood sexual abuse infects our lives...
I fully believe the science and argument of "early mental-imprinting." Consider that for many of us, our first orgasms and first sexual experience is with said abusers. I did the math once: My first 1000 or so orgasms were with the perps, via prolonged anal intercourse (over 7 year period, age 7.5 to 14+).
Some would call that "imprinting"
. I call it "engraved into my brain's core with a hot iron."
Its hell! Its true HELL. I was never with my wife, in the sanctity of our bed, when those four creeps were not there with me. NEVER!
Its a life-sentence for us; Its an orgasm for them!
I have zero tolerance for perps and those who protect them, mostly because of this life-long residual burden.
EDIT: I know for a fact that some perpetrators read here at MS. Not much of what we say and xperience burns through to their hearts or emotions. But I hope they can at least realize (intellectually or emotionally) that this sticks with us....forever!