I will take this an addition at a time in order that I do not go long at any given time. There will likely be triggers for some of you in this. This first telling is only the first installment in many molestations that were perpetrated upon me including one abduction in my early teens that I escaped. These stories are real and they happened to me. This is the first I have ever written about them. I think my case to be quite severe and I am in hope that there will be information here that some of you might find help in. I will say here that I sought help in the early 90's and now live a well adjusted life (though not without scars), considering all that has happened to me.

The Beginning
I lived the first 9 years of my life in the country just outside of a small Texa town. We were poor and my Father was seldom around. My mom had 4 other children at the time and I was the 3rd oldest. I was first molested by a neighbor boy who was around the age of 16 years old. He lived next door on our rural road and his family was related to mine by marriage. I was a friendly child and would visit the different neighbors often. One day I was at this neighbor's house and he, Dale was alone. I knocked and he invited me in. I walked behind him in to the kitchen where we chatted for a moment before asking if I wanted a toy. I responded as any child would with a yes. He then offered to trade the toy if I would let him "suck my pecker" as he put it. I had no idea what he was getting at, so he reached over and showed me. I was embarrassed and wanted to leave, but was just too nice as a child to flee in that manner. He then guided me back to his bedroom where he ordered me to pull my pants down, performed the act on me, handed me a toy, then escorted me to the door. I had no idea what had just happened to me at all, though I can look back and see that my behavior began to be molded by that experience and subsequent ones with him. They all followed the same pattern except for the one time that he raped me anally. These occurrences continued many times until I was nine years old when my parents divorced and we moved to another part of town. This ends the first era of sexual abuse in my life. The second is to follow soon.

My Cousin (The bridge)

Shortly after moving in to town, I began making the 2 mile journey on my bike to visit my Grandparents. My Aunt and Uncle lived next door with my cousin who was less than a year younger than I. They had lived in some large cities around the country and for his age, that boy was quite street smart and I was still somehow very naive. I was there one day with him and received my first introduction in to porn. It wasn't long before he pulled his penis out and insisted that I join him masturbation, which I did reluctantly and without comfort. After a time, he began to talk about oral sex and how much fun it is. I never told him about Dale, so he didn't know that I was already aware of it. It took some doing, but he talked me in to letting him show me. That was one thing, but then he expected me to return the favor. At age 9 performing oral sex on a guy seemed disgusting to me. It is one thing Dale never required. After 2 or 3 more visits over the coming weeks, I finally gave in to his persuasion and tried it. It was not long before it became a regular thing and I began to like what we did together. I think the times spent with him were pivotal for me. After the move and getting free of Dale, I had a chance to move on, but the activities with my cousin would set me up for some of the worst and most diabolical manipulation yet to be known by a future predator. I had now acquired a desire for sex with other guys. Though I was a masculine boy, my Father was not around, Mom worked 3 jobs to support and keep us together. I was uncovered and vulnerable and these desires made me an easier target for a cunning and stealthy molester.