I'm so sorry you're having to confront this. A healthy work environment is crucial to a healthy life---especially for survivors. I left a toxic work environment a while back for a better opportunity. After being there 9 years, the place had become toxic to the point where I think it helped trigger the CSA issues. As bad as it was, I hesitated to leave for the unknown---that somehow the toxicity was preferable. It was an abusive relationship.
Here's the takeaway. I did find a better position and left on good terms. Don't believe for a minute you sold your soul. You are using them for a good reference to slide you into something better. Look at this as being more equitable. This could be "mutual aid."
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding