I think you raise a lot of interesting questions.
Untangling the confusion and damage done to my sexuality by the abuse (and, for me, many of the decisions and behaviors I ventured into in the years following) is a major part of my recovery. It's been almost 11 years since I started onto a path of healing my sexuality and it is still an effort.
I believe in the science of "garbage in, garbage out" meaning it is hard for me to have a joyful sexuality when I'm infusing it with non-intimate, non-relationship-based, one-sided, shame-based acting out with porn or people I am just using for sex. That's my experience.
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.
�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner