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#426567 - 02/26/13 07:21 PM I'm back (new and improved)
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1595
Loc: California
My brothers,

Please pardon my absence and brief departure from MS. I had to leave because I found myself being angry in my posts, becoming angry at supportive responses, and it didn't feel healthy, nor did I feel I had anything to learn or contribute.

I needed to go solo for a bit, not knowing why or how to address this anger I have carried.

I have searched for a deeper understanding of why I'm alive, and how to accept being alive without anger. I've spoken multiple times about the circumstances of my birth (I'm the product of a rape); born with both of my parents disabilities.

I grew up feeling victimized for simply being born, and for having the disabilities I had. I was an easy target for bullying, and for molestation because of these.

Suffice it to say, I grew up very unhappy.

I think I have found the 'remedy' for being angry for being born, and for feeling like a victim for simply being alive.

I have come across the "lovingkindness" meditation. For the last 2 weeks, every morning, I have been practicing this short meditation (guided by a youtube video). As a result of doing this every morning, I'm finding that the anger and resentment for being born, and the constant frustration and self judgment I've had of my disabilities, and life circumstances, is waning. It is becoming increasingly difficult to be angry at things I have had an easy time to get angry about.

I don't quite understand why, but there's a lot of science behind it. I stumbled upon it because a friend of mine shared a newspaper article about redefining what "love" means.

I'm happy to share the youtube link of the short meditation, as well as the online news article showing the science behind the lovingkindness meditation.

Onwards towards recovery.


#426568 - 02/26/13 07:25 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3849
Loc: South-East Europe
Welcome back D, I can't say how happy I'm seeing you here smile
I missed you a lot and actually was thinking to send you PM today smile

My story

#426570 - 02/26/13 07:42 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Candu Offline

Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
There are many paths. I'm glad* you found one that is working for you.

(*almost happy)

#426576 - 02/26/13 08:12 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Publius Offline

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 444
Loc: OH
Welcome back Magellan I am happy to hear you discovered a meditation technique that helps with your anger, resentment, and other negative feelings. It is especially encouraging because meditation, as you already know, brings about an awareness and mindfulness that can help us work through our recovery. As inaccessible as a healing state of emotional equilibrium seems sometimes it is definitely an achievable goal and your update is a testament to that fact.
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

#426595 - 02/26/13 11:25 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
D! Go figure I was wondering (this morning, in fact) what had happend to you...lo and behold there you are. I'm so pleased you've found something that works for you.


#426596 - 02/26/13 11:44 PM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4199
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
good to have you around again, D.
and so good to know you are in a much more positive state of mind.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#426611 - 02/27/13 02:30 AM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
LazyPirate Offline

Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Glad you are here. I'm going to see that YouTube video.
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

#426619 - 02/27/13 03:17 AM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1595
Loc: California
Thanks for the greetings, everyone.

Here is the video:

I'm surprised that it seems to be just melting away my resentments. It's strange to walk around not being able to deliberately make myself angry at things I could easily do before.

I'm totally and completely sold on this practice. After almost 2 weeks. Highly recommend it for ANYONE who has anger or resentment issues.


#426620 - 02/27/13 03:21 AM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1

#426631 - 02/27/13 05:30 AM Re: I'm back (new and improved) [Re: Magellan]
Farmer Boy Offline

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia

I just wanted to let you know I think of you everytime I go to my T.

His office is on Magellan St.

I'm glad you are back....for good I hope.


More than meets the eye!

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