Newest Members
dWite, Kwozzi, Nathan James, lilgas69, Humfrey
13133 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
intochange (60), melnjams (44), rage (29)
Who's Online
2 registered (DannyT, sorryson), 33 Guests and 10 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,133 Registered Members
75 Forums
68,104 Topics
474,331 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#426392 - 02/25/13 07:59 AM If I feel this good, why am I worried?
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1107
Loc: SE USA
.


Edited by Suwanee (02/26/16 10:56 AM)
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

Top
#426393 - 02/25/13 08:11 AM Re: If I feel this good, why am I worried? [Re: Suwanee]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Damn, Will, that's some serious progress. (imo, you probably made a few thousand MS guys envious).

A few things occur to me right off the bat:
-You're wearin' new shoes. It'll take time to break 'em in.
-What good parent isn't concerned about his kids?
-Yeah, there's unfinished business. I like that you're saying "some day". Sounds like you're takin' time to smell the flowers.

Friggin' excellent.

Top
#426398 - 02/25/13 09:30 AM Re: If I feel this good, why am I worried? [Re: Suwanee]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1055
Have you had that talk with your dad yet? Sounds like it's time to.

Cant


Edited by cant_remember (02/25/13 09:31 AM)
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#426409 - 02/25/13 11:04 AM Re: If I feel this good, why am I worried? [Re: Suwanee]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 927
Will,

You're anxious over telling your parents - you've been talking here about doing that since October.

You're anxious because your boy is getting closer to your age of abuse, meaning you know more than ever about what his mental state and decisionmaking process would likely be in a crisis situation.

And you're pissed and want payback. Who can blame you?

Just be careful about confrontation. A long-term serial rapist might very well carry enough guns to "want to mess with" anyone who shows up in person.

There's also a sense of impatience involved... as you do make progress, as you do achieve therapeutic goals, it's only natural to think "well, why us this still here, am I getting better or not?" Viewed externally you can clearly see you are, but in the flash of an ugly thought, it can really make you wonder if the "everyday-ness" of it will ever go away.

I've been in treatment for 4 months and just recently had my first all-throughout happy, confident, optimistic day. It felt so good to FEEL GOOD - but at TGE slightest mental nudge, I'd still remember. That will probably be life, I guess, though hopefully with mire happiness and fewer nudges. And I'll have to settle for that, settle for not having it "gone".


Matt
Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#426428 - 02/25/13 01:43 PM Re: If I feel this good, why am I worried? [Re: SoccerStar]
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1107
Loc: SE USA
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
Will,

You're anxious over telling your parents - you've been talking here about doing that since October....

You're anxious because your boy is getting closer to your age of abuse, meaning you know more than ever about what his mental state and decisionmaking process would likely be in a crisis situation...

Just be careful about confrontation. A long-term serial rapist might very well carry enough guns to "want to mess with" anyone who shows up in person.


Matt,

All of this is true.

I need to get down to business and tell my parents. We are all going to the beach in June, so I want to do it before then.

I need to make sure my son is well-prepared to make good decisions--even life-preserving ones if needed. For his age he can be pretty cynical about things. He's also very smart. My wife and I hope he can temper that with some optimism---and that he will be well-served by his suspicious nature without being scared of his shadow.

No, I doubt I'll ever pay a visit to the perp. I'd be (mostly) satisfied to learn of his arrest, conviction, and sentencing. I'd drive to the courthouse and watch that. Someone I played baseball against in the 10-12 age range was molested by his coach. He confronted him years later and both of them were arrested after they got into a scuffle. I heard about it for the first time a couple of weeks ago---but there were rumors about the coach even back then. There were always rumors...

Part of me wants to see a 48 Hours special on Summer Camp Gone Wrong----an expos of the hidden shame of the 80s. Then again I don't want a national audience to become privy to what happened.

Will
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

Top
#426429 - 02/25/13 01:50 PM Re: If I feel this good, why am I worried? [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1107
Loc: SE USA
Lancer,

Thank you. I feel like I have climbed a mountain, but now have to contend with other elements like the wind, the cold, the fog...knowing the sun still shines through at times. I don't want anyone to be jealous...this journey isn't over yet---and all journeys are different...

I'm treading carefully to see how wide this summit is. Is it a plateau or a knife-edge ridge?
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

Top
#426442 - 02/25/13 03:43 PM Re: If I feel this good, why am I worried? [Re: Suwanee]
JoziSA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/05/12
Posts: 144
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
Will

It is an amazing feeling. I feel your joy, happiness and your amanicipation. I salute you for what you have achieved. I love your analogy of climbing a mountain. Last year I climbed Kilimanjaro, the worlds tallest stand alone mountain and Africa's highest point. It was part of my healing but I also climed it for all male survivors. www.kilimalesurvivor.wordpress.com

I hope you continue to reach the summit of all your goals.
_________________________
Rees (JoziSA)
My Story and Blog www.kilimalesurvivor.wordpress.com

South African MALE SURVIVORS of Sexual Abuse
www.samsosa.org
If your mind can perceive it and your heart can believe it, YOU can achieve it.

Top
#426491 - 02/25/13 09:49 PM Re: If I feel this good, why am I worried? [Re: Suwanee]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Will

Awesome to hear you are in such a good place right now. (I can hear the soundtrack).

Climbing the mountain - great analogy smile

As for the kids - mine are the exact same age - and from my experience your need to protect them will only get stronger as they approach the ages of your abuse. It is a constant balancing act between freedom amd protection. A balancing act all us fathers deal with I'm sure.

You are a switched on guy and I have every faith in you that you will be able to protect them and let them enjoy the freedom to grow into teens and adults they were meant to be.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.