I am new to so many things, computer support/help for overcoming sexual abuse is another one that I can add to my list of things I have done.
I am a 35 year old male Survivior that has been through a lot of abuse, (so what is New). The Abuse includes Much Sexual abuse in which I actually turned in the abuser when I was 17 Years old and he received 17 years in prision. He has been out for some years now for good behavior-(yea right!)
I was also abused by a priest, in which I did report it when I was about 22 years old and action was taken against him.
I am also an incest survivior, the perpetrator being my oldest brother. And Much other abuse with save for another time, I am sure we all have our stories to tell. Needless to say I do not feel safe in too many places. I have to make myself feel safe.
I have done the counseling route, Mental hospitals and church/religion. about 7 years ago I got real sick and had what was considered a stroke believe to be brought on by stress associated with Post Tramatic Stress syndrom, combined with that of being on heavy medication for mental issues. The condition of my physical body, which turned to many years of seizures did not allow me much time to continue down the path of healing of the abuse issues in my life.
I have been real busy the past 7 years just surviving life. I was been able to pull my self together enough to go to Bible College and recieve a 2 year certificate of Graduation in which I completed in 96'. I was also by the grace of God able to put together a small succesful internet sales business, (it started out of necessity in order to survive and pay the bills, and is turning into something good). I have also been off all medications for 5 years. I feel as though these past years have all blurred together and that although I have grown in many ways it has been a hell of a lot of work-life should not have to be this hard.
I have felt very disconneted with society and with myself. I have not been able to look at the issues of my emotional well being for the past 7 years with the process of my physical recovery and all that has needed to take place to keep me above water.
Now that I am stronger, I am feeling the need to reconnect with society and people. However I am scared. I deal with a lot of sexual confusion, isolation, fears and want something more out of my life. I want to have a family, kids and all-but? So many things to work on and pain to work through.
I will be going to an intake session next Tuesday to see about the possibilty of receiving help from a local church and begin again to take a look at abuse issues that has caused so much emotional turmoil in my life. I am excited and scared to venture back into this. I know that I have come a long way, however I also know that there is a long way to go.
I just happened along this site tonight and have never posted a message on a board before, I trust that this is ok to just chat like this? Maybe just help begin the process of healing again.
I would be most gratful for any information that can be obtained on ways to combat the tramatic affect that the sexual abuse that I have gone through. It seems as thought the issues I face at 35 are so much different than the ones I dealt with at 27. I deal with everything from anger, rage, sadness, pressure of loosing it, and so many more, oh yea believe it or not I even find myself having a good day.
I am looking for ways to enjoy my life better, and help others. when it is all said and done- I would love to know that even though Life has not been good to me in my early years, I would love to have the strength and joy to be able tackle each day and to know that I have left people behind that have become better because of my being able to overcome.
[ 05-26-2001: Message edited by: Daniel100 ]